how to annoy all bleach characters
by imatruebleacher
Summary: this is how to annoy all the bleach characters! :) 1 shot


**A/N: HAHAHA i know its long... but eh! who cares! don't like please don't review mean things like "this suck" tell me what I need to improve,thanks! and if you don't like then you can also not read**

Here are 30 ways to annoy Byakuya Kuchiki

1. Tell Kenpachi he offered to babysit Yachiru

2. Switch his shampoo with pink hair dye

3. Lock him in a room with Gin for 24 hours

4. Tell him someone's trying to kill Rukia

5. Destroy his paperwork

6. Put sake in his drink

7. Take pictures of him being drunk

8. Put them up all over the Soul Society

9. Whenever you address him call him "Ice Prince"

10. Ask him how his date with Renji went

11. Cut down his sakura trees

12. Put gum in his hair

13. Whenever you see him start screaming that he'll freeze you with his coldness

14. Make him read RenjixByakuya fanfiction (Mine!)

15. Dress up like Hisana

16. Set him up on a blind date with Ichigo

17. Fire all his servants

18. Spill grape juice all over his scarf

19. Make Rukia tell him she's pregnant with renji's child

20. Ask him why he has noodles in his hair

21. TP his manor

22. Make him dinner and tell him he's eating fish from his pond

23. Whenever you see him, throw sakura petals in the air and say "hey look, I'm Byakuya!"

24. Tell him Ichigo's taken his place as 6th division captain

15. Save his head while he's asleep

26. Ask him if nobles ever have to use the bathroom

27. Tell him there was a huge fire and his manor burned to the ground

28. Give him a pile of ashes to back this up

29. Tell everyone he's really a female and say he's proved it

30. Invite the whole Soul Society to a party in his manor

1. Invite him to a fish BBQ. Let slip that the fish was taken from his pond.

2. Tell Mayuri that Byakuya has requested him to use Senbonzakura in any Zanpaktou Experiment.

3. Turn his basement into an underground amusement park. Charge all costs to his bank account. (Or whatever system they have in Soul Society) Offer free rides for the children of Rukongai. If he tries to stop you, accuse him of standing in the way of charity.

4. Send Ishida to make Byakuya's Shinigami robes "more fashionable". Tell Ishida to sew on frills if he gets a chance. Allow him to add a cape too.

5. Address him as Bya-kun, Bya-chan, Bya-chin or Bya-Bya (or if you are more daring, simply Byakuya with no pref/suffixes).

6. Spread a rumour that Byakuya is in love with Renji/Kenpachi/Genryuusai-dono.

7. Tell him your mom's only sister's daughter's only cousin has a cooler Zanpaktou than him. (Extra caution alert: Prepare to use Shunpo to get away in case Byakuya figures out it's you.)

8. Draw tiny pink hearts on all reports that you submit to him. (Dot your "i"'s with pink hearts for extra effects.) Blush if he asks you about it.

9. Kidnap Rukia and leave behind a note threatening to kill her unless he sends a shirtless photo of himself as ransom.

10. Publish the photo in Seireitei's magazine if he complies.

11. Send him Hell-butterflies with random messages. (Examples include, "I'm hungry", "I need to pee" and "There's a green stain on the back of your robes")

12. Replace his Head Chef with Inoue for a day.

13. Persuade his squad/staff to play Hopscotch when they should be on duty.

14. Persuade HIM to play Hopscotch when he's on duty.

15. Beat him at it. Everytime.

16. Tie him up with the "Winding Binding Spell" and call in artists to paint portraits of him.

17. Blow one up and hang it in the middle of Seireitei.

18. Throw him a noisy Surprise Birthday party at his mansion. Have an incorrect number of candles on his cake. Let Yachiru sing songs all night long.

19. Don't forget to invite Matsumoto and stack up on sake.

20. Mutter "Kuchiki Kuchiki" repeatedly every time he passes by. If he questions you about it, tell him you have an Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

21. Bang on his bedroom door at dawn, very noisily. When he inquires what the racket is about, tell him his rooster died.

22. Dye his scarf pink. (For an extra thrill, draw yellow ducks on it)

23. Streak his hair pink, if possible, to match the scarf.

24. Interrupt his calligraphy classes to teach them Cursive Writing.

25. 2 words Kiss him.

26. mess up his hair

REALLY? ME I FORGOT TO DO THE NUMBERS RIGHT! YOU KNOW WHAT NO! lol

* * *

ways to annoy kenny/kenpachi

**1.** Give Yachiru tons of candy so she bounces all around him

**2.** Tell him the Captain Commander said the paperwork that was due next week is actually due tomorrow… and it NEEDS to be legible!

**3.** When he's sleeping take all of the bells out of his hair and put flowers in instead

**4.** Tell Mayuri Kurotsuchi he's volunteered to be an experiment

**5.** Tell him Byakuya's stronger than he is

**6.** Send him a note telling him to meet you somewhere in the human world and don't give him directions on how to get there

**7.** Tell him Yachiru's gone on a date!

**8.** Laugh when he tries to hunt down every guy in Seireitei

**9.** Tell him he'd look so much better if his hair was like BYakuya's

**10.** Take him to a salon and make him get his nails done

**11.** Tell him Unohana's taking his place as 11th division captain and he has to be 4th division captain

**12.** Give him a hug

**13.** Tell everyone that he's giving out free piggy-back rides!

**14.** Call him names like Ken-chan and Ken-puu and Ken-booboo

**15.** Paint his eye patch rainbow!

* * *

how to soi phon

1. Tell her Yoruichi married Urahara.

2. Give her a bee costume and say it fits her better than her usual uniform.

3. Tell her Yoruichi's in the Soul Society and laugh as she runs all over looking for her.

4. Offer to make her dinner, and then give her a bowl of honey.

5. Say you thought that's what bees liked.

6. Walk right up to her, and when she opens her mouth to say something, say "no, I will NOT go out with you!"

7. Lock her in a room full of broccoli with Urahara.

8. Grab her hand and begin skipping, singing loudly at the top of your lungs.

9. Have a huge (and loud) party in her office, and charge the bills to her.

10. Put up signs all around the 2nd division saying "warning, hazardous to your health! Evacuate immediately!"

11. Tell Omaeda she's in love with him.

12. Put a "looking for" add for her in the newspaper and make sure everyone see.

13. Brush up against her and yell really loudly, "OW! I GOT STUNG!"

14. Tell her Omaeda fell through the office roof.

15. Laugh when she finds nothing.

16. Somehow make Omaeda fall through the office roof.

17. Give her a cactus and say you thought of her when you saw it.

18. Get the same exact haircut as her and then complain (very loudly) how the hairdresser totally ruined your life.

19. Put a stuffed, realistic-looking black cat on the other side of her door so when she opens it it goes flying.

20. When the cat's lying there, unmoving, start yelling that she killed Yoruichi.

* * *

**now to hitsugaya!**

1. Complain to him that it's too hot and you need him to make it snow.

2. Complain to him that it's too cold and you need him to make it stop snowing.

3. Take him to Hawaii and force him to go to the beach every day.

4. Tell him his paperwork was due last week.

5. Accuse him of somehow making himself look young when he's obviously very old because of his white hair.

6. Tell him you're going to take him somewhere you know he really loves, then take him to a little kids circus.

7. Tell him the Soul Society's new official drink is sake.

8. Hand him a chicken nugget.

9. Tell Ukitake he really loves jelly beans.

10. When he's in the middle of doing paperwork, walk in and tell him it's nap time.

11. Redecorate his bedroom to look like a sunny beach.

12. Tell him he and Soi Fon should date because they're both midget captains. (Note: If Soi Fon hears this she may tear your head off.)

13. Turn the heater of whatever room he's in up to the hottest temperature possible.

14. Ask him if he'll melt if he stands in the sun.

15. Tell him he should be in school.

16. Hand him cans of soda and tell him you're using him as an ice cooler.

1. ask him where did he die his hair

2. take all his paper work and shred it

3. tape him down and eat watermelon infront of him

4. hold him down and hyper yachiru up on sugar and make her talk of hours

5. hurt hinamori (flick her on the head) and see how he reacts

6. walk around soul society saying hes your boyfriend (more effective if your a guy)

7. bring him to show-and-tell and say he is Santa's elf.

8. Whenever he coughs, scream: I shall call him Mini-me!

9. Whenever Matsumoto walks by, give him "The Talk".

10. Take him to the kiddy rides at Great America, then say "Sorry son, you're too short for this ride.

his Zanpaku-to Popsicle.

12. him baby clothes for X-mas and say "If it's too big, I'll exchange them."

him loudly if he's hit puberty yet in front of Hinamori.

14. when he's at the movies so you get a discount.

15.(For Girl's)Constantly hug him like he's 6.

16. Sit him on Santa's lap.

17. When he yells, scold him saying "Bad Lil' shiro. Inside voices."

18. Threaten to put him in Time-Out.

19. Take away his Zanpaku-to and say that little kids shouldn't play with sharp toys.

20. Set his ringtone as Ice Ice Baby.

21. Take him to see a Chick Flick.

22. Repeat everything he says in a baby voice.

23. Give hime baby-talk. All the time.

24. Make him hold your hand walking across the street. (effective if guy)

25. Ask him if he needs a date because your 7 year old sister is free.

26. Give him an 8 oclock curfue.

Lol i put the wrong numbers... eh

* * *

HAHA NOW SHUSUI!

1. Tell him sake is officially banned from the Soul Society.

2. Have all the girls tell him they'd rather date a baboon than him.

3. Give him tripple paperwork.

4. Give Nanao a vacation so he'll have to do all the paperwork himself.

5. Tell him the Shinigami Women's Society voted him least eligible suitor.

6. Give him a cabbage for his birthday.

7. Tell him Byakuya looks much better with flowers than he does.

8. Send him to an all boys school.

9. Take all his clothes out of his closet and replace them with black ones.

10. Place an order for 200 donkeys and give his name and address.

11. Put fish in his pocket and get a cat to follow him around.

* * *

Grimmjow!

1 Put him within a 148 mile radius of Ulquiorra.

2 Ask when he's in heat.

3 Put catnip in his tea at one of the Espada meetings.

4. Tell him Aizen thinks he's very rapeable.

5. Photoshop him naked in a bed with Ulquiorra and post the pictures all around.

6. Stick your hand through his hollow hole.

7. Throw things through his hollow hole.

8. Follow him around asking, "Who's a good kitty?" in a baby voice.

9. Hand him a house cat and tell him you've found his mother.

10. Tell him Yammy thinks he's cute and wants to date him.

11. Put pictures of Ichigo, Ulquiorra, or Aizen (better yet, all three!) all over his room.

12. Mew at him.

13. Pull his tail when he's in resurrección form.

14. Tell him Aizen orders him and Ulquiorra to stay in a room alone together until they learn to get along. (Or better yet, have Aizen actually make them do this.)

15. Tell him you'll make him dinner. Serve him a bowl of milk. Or a mouse.

* * *

-Call him a sadistic, impulsive, sarcastic, brutal, psychotic, rude person, and sign him up for anger management.

-2. Or, call the asylum and tell them that they will have a new patient.

-. Get someone to assist in making sure he doesn't tear it down.

Whenever he makes a psychotic grin, scream at him that he needs a dental appointment.

5. Say that he's weaker than Ulquiorra and Ichigo, and will forever be.

6. When he protests just laugh and say that he's just too afraid to admit it.

7. When he's in Resurrection form, squeal and call him a cute adorable little kitty.

8. Give him a ball of yarn to play with.

9. Actually, get several balls of yarn to lob at him while you're making your escape.

10. Laugh at him for being demoted.

11. Crack jokes on how he was weaker than Luppi.

12. When he says that was only because of the loss of his arm, just shrug and tell him that is a lame excuse. Don't forget to mention that it looks like he has "bingo wings" with one arm-less sleeve flapping around like that. (If you do not know what bingo wings are, check out the author's note at the bottom of the page.)

13. Sigh, shake your head and say that you had higher expectations of him.

14. Every time you see him, squeal like a fangirl, and call him "Grimmy-chan."

15. If you dare, call him that while tackling him in a hug.

16. Do it in front of Aizen and the Arrancars.

17. Heck, do it in front of everyone in Soul Society.

18. Destroy his reputation by telling everyone how cute his Resurrection form is.

19. Play with his ears while you're at it, and yank at his tail when he's not looking.

20. Cut his hair REALLY short, what the heck, shave him bald! (If you can get close to him after releasing his sword)

21. Laugh and call him Ikkaku. When he turns to galre at you, scream that the sun reflecting off his head is blinding you. Then, raise an eyebrow and ask if he was responsible for blinding Tousen.

22. Alternately, just dye his hair some crazy color. Hey, Yachiru's hair color is a good idea.

23. Tell him his mask has a cavity.

24. Get him braces.

25. Get the orthodontist to tell him he has 'poor oral health'

26. Force him to listen to the rant about candies, gum, flossing, brushing, etc.

27. Tell him he got pwned by Shinji.

28. Remind him about the time when he helped out Orhime when those weird female arrancar were beating her up. Then smile pervert-like and wink sveral times until he freaks.

29. Force him to say that he did that because he likes her. Record the conversation and show to everyone!

30. When he finally loses his temper and goes into Resurrection...call the pet control and scream about being attacked by a rabid tiger. Then, glance at Grimmjow charging at you, and say, "Scratch that, I meant rabid kitty."

* * *

ichigo!

1.) Call him strawberry and/or carrot head.

2.) Randomly jump on and attack him like his dad does.

3.) Ran up to him acting like your in trouble then when he asks what's wrong say "I don't know. I forgot. _"

4.) When he's asleep, draw crappy drawings like rukia's on his forehead and all his belongings.

5.) Put Kon in his gagai and later when some women comes up and slaps him (for what Kon did), act like you don't know anything .

6.) When his training, yell or do something to distracted him and make him ran into something.

7.) Tell him that Renji is better then him.

8.) Lock him in a room with a hyper mod soul.

9.) Steal his zanpock-to and keep it away him.

10.) Randomly yell in his ear, then when he asks why, say "I was just bored and wanted to annoy you._"

11.) Pull him out of the room but his hair. (everyone finds that annoy)

12.) Tell kenpacki that Ichigo wants a rematch and laugh your ass off as Kenpachi chases him all over the place.

13.) Play childish tricks on him untill he , Run! Because strawberries going to be ticked. And he'll be chasing you by now due to his short temper.

14.) Ask him if he and rukia finally did _it._

15.) Whenever you see him Jump on his back And shout Ichy Kitty!

16.)Tell him Kenpachi wanted to see him for a talk.

17.)When he comes back all beat up say did I say Talk I meant fight.

18.) Take him in a crowd of soul reapers and shout "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUR THE FATHER OF MY BABY!"

19.) Dance around him singing Ring around an ichy, pocket full of weed, Hollows, hollows, we all kill them.

20.) Tell Rukia you saw Ichigo peeping at her when she was bathing. Watch and enjoy.

21.) Dye Ichigos hair pink and tell him "Now your raspberry head."

22.) Take Ichigo infront of Renji and use Naruto puppet string to make him propose.

23.)Trip him while he's walking toward Renji and make them kiss.

24.) Jump on his shoulders and look threw his hair.

25.) when he says "what the Hell are you doing?" say "I'm looking for strawberries!"

26.) Every time he meets Orihime, chat 'Kiss kiss kiss'! And see the way he reacts

* * *

**AIZEN!**

1) Steal his glasses and throw them away

2) Replace his contact solution with ink

3) Watch him crash into walls because he can't see

4) Ask him how he was able to shatter his glasses with two fingers

5) Ask him how he was able to sneak hair gel into his hand to swish back his hair during his dramatic leave of Soul Society

6) Suspiciously ask him where the tea came from is they had no water

7) Heck, does he even use water? If not, what does he use? Very suspicious...

8) Ask if they don't have water, how do they take baths?

9) Ask him whether his butt hurts from sitting on a stone chair every day

10) Ask him if he designed the Arrancar uniform

11) Mention Harribel's uniform and call him a pervert

12) Color the Espada meeting room pink

13) Don't forget to add rainbows and Unicorns

14) Also draw chibi Espada around the walls holding hands

15) Make sure it is in Permanent marker

16) Don't forget to forge Aizen's signature at the bottom!

17) Switch his zanpakuto with Kenryu's (guy with blossom zanpakuto from Captain Amagai Filler Arc who is the princess's bodyguard)

18) Tell the Espada that Aizen will kill them in the newest Bleach chapters

19) Shave Aizen's hair into old-man style

20) Claim that he is a Yamamoto-wanna-be

21) If you don't have the guts to do that, then replace his hair gel with super glue

22) Dare him to smell Barragan's breath in the morning

23) Call him a chicken if he refuses

24) Tell Barragan that Aizen thinks he stinks

25) Tell Stark that Aizen called him a lazy potato bum

26) Tell Harribel that Aizen thinks she's fat

27) Tell the rest that Aizen called them: Ulquiorra- pathetic emo trash

Nnoitra- Insect face

Grimmjow-Homicidal clown face

Zommari- pink pumpkin butt

Szayel- Yachiru as a scientist

Aaroniero- tank brain  
Yammy- blubber butter

28) Watch Aizen and the Espada yell at each other

29) Hug Aizen in front of the Espada and shout, "DARLING!"

30) Call Aizen a saint

* * *

LOL unohana

1) Tell her that Ikkaku gave Hanataro a wedgie

2) Tell her that Squad 11 is harassing Isane and made her cry

3) Accidentally walk into Unohana's room at midnight (if you dare)

4) Tell her she looks ugly in a swimsuit

5) Blow up the hospital and blame it on Squad 11

6) Blame Kenpachi to be exact

7) Run away, far, far, away

8) Tell her that someone from squad 11 is stalking her

9) Tell her that her braid that she wears in the front looks like a beard

10) Yank on her braid when she's not looking

11) Run into the room full of patients and scream at the top of your lungs

12) Replace the medicine with Mayuri's poisons

13) Blackmail a guy and make him run up to her and hug her

14) Take a picture of it

15) Give it to Squad 11

16) Watch them laugh

17) Report it to Unohana

18) Make her realize the guys who hugged her was from Squad 11

19) Crack up when Unohana pulverizes Squad 11

20) Kenpachi arrives and freaks out and demands to know what Unohana did

21) Dark Aura sends Kenpachi out the door

22) Place a stink bomb in her room

23) She smells bad for one week

24) Blame the bomb on...guess who?

25) Censored Violence

26) Report to Yamamoto that Squad 4 and 11 will be out for a few days

27) Let Unohana calm down

28) Walk into her room politely

29) Say nice words to make her feel better

30) She smiles and says that you are such a kind person

* * *

ikkatu

1. Tell him that if his head falls off, he can use it for bowling.

2. Get Yachiru to call him nicknames and chew his head.

3. Also call him nicknames like Pachinko Ball.

4. Every time he does his lucky dance, mimic him to show him how stupid he looks.

5. Glue a wig to him. Afros would be good.

6. Tell Keigo's sister where Ikkaku is.

7. Laugh loudly as she flirts with him.

8. Join her in sucking up to him.

9. When she asks what he wants for dinner, what he wants to do, etc, snicker loudly.

10. Ask him if every night he polishes his head before he sleeps.

11. Tell him that he can use his head as a magnifying glass to fry things.

12. Offer him hair tonics, but don't tell him that they may be potentially dangerous because Mayuri didn't test them yet.

13. When he trains, interrupt or distract him.

14. Get Yachiru to mess with his gigai to the point of no return. Especially to mess up his reputation.

15. Give him a lot of sake in the morning so that he'll have a really bad hangover.

16. Tell him that Yachiru recently decided that his head is more comfortable to sit on than Kenpachi's shoulder's.

17. Always remind him to treat Fourth Squad members with respect.

18. Ask him if a lawnmower shaved his hair off when he was young.

19. When he asks you what a lawnmower is, tell him it's a very powerful hollow that resides only in the world of the living.

20. When he runs off to find it, remember that Squad 11 is all brawn but no brains.

21. Blackmail him by threatening to tell everyone he has bankai.

22. If he threatens just to kill you before you can say anything, smile politely, then wave to the nearest shinigami and start telling them.

23. Whenever he fights, butt in and ignore his protests.

24. Tell him that he's weaker than Yachiru.

25. When he denies it, ask him why he isn't lieutenant.

26. Tell him that you volunteered him as a test subject for Mayuri.

27. Use all the ointment he keeps in his sheath.

28. Mock him for not being prepared.

29. When he chases you screaming death threats, get Yachiru to distract him. (shouldn't be too hard)

30. If he's still chasing you, run to Unohana to tell him that he was harassing every single Squad 4 member.

* * *

old man yama

1) Give him a wig and say that the shine in his head is killing your eyes

2) When he releases Ryujin Jakka, set the fire extinguisher on him

3) Laugh at him covered in foam

4) Set a fire alarm in every possible place in Soul Society

5) Turn the AC on super high in his room

6) Steal the rope thing he uses to tie up his beard

7) Pour flour over his head during a Captain Meeting

8) Get 50 kids to jump on his lap and call him Santa Claus

9) Ask him how much stuff gets stuck in his beard when he eats

10) Ask him if he's ever thrown his back out in a fight

11) Tell Unohana that he's signed himself up for wrinkle removers

12) Laugh your heard off when Unohana drags him into the hospital telling him the many different ways to remove wrinkles

13) Offer Botox

14) Get him angry and to release his sword in the 4th division

15) Report to Unohana

16) Run to end of the universe

17) Roll your eyes as he reminisces about his childhood.

18) Steal Mayuri's poison

19) Sneak it into Yamamoto's food

20) Laugh the next day at the Captain's Meeting when his voice turns all high and squeaky.

21) Ask him if he has memory loss

22) Tell the Captains that he has false teeth

23) Tell the Captains that he sprained his hip and will have to retire

24) Make them discuss who the new Head Captain will be

25) Drag Yamamoto in just as they're doing that

26) Tell everyone that he looks exactly like Dumbledore.

27) Even better, tell everyone that he looks just like when he was young

28) Stick a whoopie cushion on his seat in the Captain's room

29) When he calls everyone a child, tell him that he's already well into his second infancy.

30) Disguise as him (with the help of Kisuke) and make a video of him/you as a Karakura Riser and send the video to all the Gotei 13 members.

* * *

barragan

1) Call him Bra-gan (say the BRA part very loud)

2) In front of Soifon and Hachi, and Aizen

3) Steal his toothpaste so he has bad morning breath

4) Wait, he already has bad breath (It rotted Soifon's arm for crying out loud!)

5) Ask him how is chair can float in mid air

6) Ask if the chair is filled with helium

7) Or maybe, fart gas

8) Ask if his feet smell as bad as his breath

9) Tell Omaeda that Soifon wants him to smell Bra-gan's feet

10) Laugh as Soifon stares funny at the two of them

11) Call him a bunch of bone names such as

12) Sack-o-Bones

13) Numbskull

14) Bone-head

15) Cubone (from pokemon)

16) Ask him that if he has no lungs, than where does the death breath come from

17) Mock him for being killed by a fatty

18) Feed him Orihime's cooking

19) Watch his death breath turn into perfume

20) Watch Soifon die of laughter

21) Tell Barragan that he needs to start working out

22) Tell him that he might get diabetes

23) Tell him that his body has problems if it can turn from fat to bones, but nothing in between

24) When he sits on his chair, flip him over

25) Mock him for getting his butt kicked by insects

26) Tell him that the insult cockroach makes no sense because cockroaches are known as the bug you can't kill

27) Plant wheels on his chair

28) When he makes his "I am superior to you" speech, roll him over a cliff (I don't care if he's in the air)

29) Tell him that Unohana taichou would be very willing to give him a five pound injection of buttocks, I mean botox

30) If he ends up getting buttocks, inform everyone in Hueco Mundo

* * *

harribel

1) Wolf Whistle each time you see her

2) Look at her, smile cheesy like, and drool...

3) Ask her why her uniform is so revealing

4) Ask her why she decided to put her tattoo over there...

5) Ask if she put it there so guys will have an excuse to look at...

6) Ask her why she crosses her arms all the time

7) Tell the Espada that when she uncrosses her arms, something falls ermm...

8) Laugh when the Espada end up staring at Harribel for a week waiting for her to uncross her arms

9) Stare at her stomach and say, "Why, it that a layer of fat over there?"

10) Tell Harribel that Gin stares at her 24/7, literally

11) Run away to avoid the destruction caused by Harribel beating up Gin

12) Introduce her to Keigo

13) Feel pity for him as he is murdered by his newly-found "Goddess of the Valleys"

14) Pretend to trip and grab/hug her for support

15) Tell her that Ichigo walks around saying that he is her boyfriend

16) Tell her that Aizen kills her in the newest bleach chapters

17) Attempt to kiss her

18) Ask if she feels uncomfortable hanging around a bunch of male Espada with that revealing uniform, and make her admit that she crosses her arms to avoid teasing

19) Ask who designed the uniform

20) If Aizen did, shake your head and say that she is plain stupid for wearing it

21) Tell her that her "sexy" uniform is pointless, because in the anime, most of it is censored out anyways

22) Say that her uniform can't get any more revealing

23) Watch her release her zanpakuto

24) You stand corrected

25) Say that her release makes her look fat

26) Tell that she's only and Espada because Aizen thinks she's hot

27) Say that you are disgusted by her clothing

28) Each time she lifts her arm up to swing her sword, pinch your nose and say, "Whew...Honestly Harribel, ever heard of deodorant?"

29) Look at her hollow mask and ask her how she's able to eat with that

30) Hold up two watermelons and say, "Guess who I am?"

yammy 0_0

1. Call him an ugly fatty.

2. Shave his sideburns and ponytail.

3. Laugh and tell everyone he's going for the Ikkaku look.

4. Force him to scrub his head everyday and tell him that he needs to get his scalp nice and shiny.

5. Roll your eyes every time you see him.

6. When he asks you why, tell him that it's pathetic how he decided to dye his eyebrows orange.

7. When he yells at you for saying that, then assume that his hair was originally orange and call him an ugly, overgrown carrot.

8. After he explodes, clap your hands happily and call him a cute, adorable, little angel.

9. Flee the scene.

10. If he hasn't cooled down yet, change your mind and say that he's actually an arrogant, brutal, cold, cruel, dimwitted bully.

11. If he denies he's stupid, prove it by challenging him to do simple division.

12. If he solves it, smile, clap your hands and say that he is ready to go to kindergarten.

13. If he gets it wrong, sigh and make some smart comments on his IQ.

14. Wonder aloud if he somehow got hold of steroids to make himself bigger.

15. Tell him that Ulquiorra's ten times the man he'll ever be. (so true)

16. Ask him why would he need five pairs of additional legs. He would be so uncoordinated in DDR.

17. If he tries to punch you through a couple buildings, borrow Urahara's portable gigai.

18. Even if you can't switch places fast enough with it, just use it to distract him. He'll probably recognize the gigai even with his lack of intelligence and get mad.

19. If he claims that you're looking down on him for using it, reply that he has no right to be saying that because he calls his allies trash.

20. While Ulquiorra ridicules Yammy, join in on the fun, while making sure you stay behind Ulquiorra.

21. Tell Aizen that Yammy ate all the food in Hueco Mundo. With his size, it's not hard to believe.

22. Treat Yammy like an inferior, and if you dare, resort to violence.

23. FLEE!

24. Take him down a notch by remarking that his released form makes him look like a dinosaur that just went through Mayuri's experiments.

25. Suggest that he go on a diet.

26. Give him a strict regime and make sure he only eats and drinks bread and water.

27. When he complains that he's being starved to death, reply that it builds character.

28. Tell him that just because he's the zero Espada doesn't mean that he can't be stupid.

29. Announce that when he nearly got beaten up by Urahara, he got a couple more screws shaken loose.

30. Ask him if he's ever kissed a girl. When he says no, say you're not surprised because Ulquiorra is so much hotter than him.

* * *

mayuri O_O

1. Call him a failure of a scientist.

2. Tell him that he looks really stupid with that hat.

3. Steal his makeup

4. Alternately, replace his makeup with different colors. Neon green would be a nice touch, if you have it.

5. Mix up his poisons.

6. Scream and point at him whenever you see him, and make sure the world knows he is sadistic and cruel.

7. Roll your eyes every time he asks someone to become their test subject. Add that for a scientist who's made so many things, he sure is pretty dumb not to realize no one wants to be a test subject.

8. Whenever he mistreats Nemu, call him an insensitive clod.

9. When you see him beating or slicing Nemu, call for everyone in the Goeti 13 to watch and have them insult Mayuri about how disguisting he is. Make sure that the Gotei Captains are watching...

10. Steal his hat, complaining that he has no fashion sense.

11. Ask him constantly why he wants to look like a freak in society.

12. Get him a job in the circus as a clown. When he yells at you, tell him that it's his own fault for looking like one.

13. Laugh when he gets a pie tossed into his face.

14. Stab him with his zanpakto.

15. When he turns into a liquid, scoop him up into a bottle.

16. Shake well.

17. Tell him that his bankai is the ugliest thing you've ever seen.

18. Stare at it if he releases it and demand how he can even put up with it.

19. When it breathes poison, scream for Unohana.

20. But if you scream for her, make sure that he released it by the 4th Squad's hospital.

21. Watch her yelling at him for endangering the lives of the wounded.

22. Whenever he tries to torment injured in the hospital, remind him constantly that Unohana won't forgive him if he even touched them.

23. If he goes on a scientific rant, remark that scientists have yet to discover a cure for diarrhea of the mouth.

24. When he starts trying to discover a way to make you stop bugging him, get Urahara to help you.

25. Tell him that he is inferior to Urahara, and that Urahara treated his subordinates with respect.

26. Add that Urahara never used subordinates as test subjects, and Urahara is still the better man after a century.

27. When he finally gets mad, report that Mayuri has finally lost what little sanity he had left.

28. Suggest that he be locked up in an asylum.

29. Ransack his lab and steal his dissection tools.

30. Make him a VERY VERY long list on all the mutations he has created and ask him constantly if he ever felt guilty. He probably didn't, so announce all his mutations to the world.

* * *

rangiku

1) Call her an old hag

2) Make her wear a swimsuit

3) When she does, make a face and say that old women wearing bikinis are disgusting

4) Say that her things are going to fall off someday

5) If she gets mad, say that she was the one who mentioned that in the first place (incident with Toushiro)

6) Say that they would make a nice air bag for a car

7) Tell her that the Shinigami Men's Association ogle at her when she's not looking

8) Tell her that Kon took pictures

9) And posted it on Google

10) Watch the inappropriate violence from a distance

11) On purposely fall and crash into her...

12) Replace her sake with red water

13) When she drinks it, watch her scream

14) Gasp in horror and ask her why she's drinking blood

15) Steal blood from the blood donors from Squad 4

16) Report to Unohana that Rangiku stole them

17) And is currently drinking it

18) Run to the end of the world

19) Fast

20) Tell her that she has a body shaped like a pumpkin

21) Set her pink scarf on fire from behind

22) Watch her run around in circles

23) Poke her face where her mole is

24) Ask her why she has a squashed fly on her face

25) Tell her that Haineko is so much hotter than her

26) Ask Kisuke to put an indestructible shield all around you

27) Go to Rangiku

28) Smile like an idiot and drool and stare at Rangiku

29) Laugh when she tries to kill you, but can't.

30) Give her a bag and tell her to put in on her head before anyone dies of her ugliness.

* * *

hallooween -thought it would be fun-

1) Ichigo- Trick him into walking in a room with Nel, Yoruichi, Rangiku, and all the other girls wearing very little (or no) clothing...

2) Rukia- Have her walk into a room with Byakuya cackling like a maniac. (If you're wondering how, feed Byakuya Mayuri's poison)

3) Renji- Stuff his clothes with worms and when he puts it on, hehe...

4) Uryu- Have Nemu pounce on him again in the middle of the night

5) Orihime- Make Ichigo kiss Rukia in front of her

6) Byakuya- Have someone mimic Hisana's voice moaning, "Byakuyaaaaaaaaaa" at midnight.

7) Unohana- Tell her that someone drugged all her patients and they are all bleeding though the eyes and ears and mouth and are turning into zombies.

8) Toushiro- Stick a poster of a naked Rangiku on his door, and make sure he suddenly sees it in the dark.

9) Yamamoto- Dump gasoline on his head and force him to release Ryujin Jakka.

10) Soifon- Disguise a dummy as Yoruichi and dump it in the food processor

11) Gin- Give him a make over in his sleep (make sure it's REALLY scary) and when he wakes up to look in the mirror...

12) Aizen-Somehow use his zanpakuto against him and give him the illusion that Soul Society is pwning his butt and ripping the Espada's heads off. (Make sure that it is extremely gory)

13) Komamura- Stick a flea collar on him

14) Kyoraku- Replace his sake with blood

15) Tousen- Fill his room full of bats

16) Kenpachi- Fill his room with hippies and replace his bells with peace signs

17) Mayuri- Tape a mirror to his face and when he wakes up, I'll bet you anything he'll scream at the sight of his own face

18) Ukitake- Put severed head decorations dangling from the ceiling in his room

19) Sasakibe- Fill his tea with eyeballs and tell him that it was a gift from squad 11

20) Omaeda- Stuff a fake severed head of Soifon in his bag of chips

21) Kira- Paint a giant picture of Gin's evil smile in his room.

22) Isane- Dress up as Unohana and pretend to be eating a corpse

23) Momo- Dress up as Aizen and approach her room moaning for salvation

24) Iba- Paint the Shinigami's men's association with very disturbing images

25) Nanao- Give her a photo-shopped picture of Kyoraku making out with the Shinigami Women's Association

26) Hisagi- Pretend to be drunk and say perverted things. If he rejects you and leaves, call after him, "I'll be watching you..." See if Hisagi will ever sleep again.

27) Rangiku- Easy- Replace her mirror with a large fake one with a picture of her as an old hag with bags and sags (Super Ugly!) Watch her freak out

28) Yachiru- Arrange her candy into a large monster and say that it wants to get revenge for being eaten by her

29) Nemu- Chop up a fake Mayuri in front of her

31) Hanataro- Too easy...Have a group of people dress in Halloween costumes and scare him (Poor Hanataro won't sleep for a week)

31) Kiyone and Sentaro- Give them a picture of them kissing

32) Tatsuki and Karin- uh...can't think of anything really...

33) Kon- Dismember a fake Rukia

34) Keigo and the rest of Ichigo's classmates (and his dad and Yuzu) - Do something typically scary on Halloween

35) Kisuke- Blow up his shop when he's using the bathroom and make it rain fake flesh chunks

36) Yoruichi- Get a bull dog in a zombie costume to attack her when she's in cat form

37) Yumichika- Pour fake acid on his face and scream that he's become hideous. Watch him sob with agony (Make sure to mess with his mirror too)

38) Ikkaku- Paint a monster on his bald head so it looks like a monster is chewing on it. Add some acid on his head to make it sting a bit so it seems more real. Make sure he looks in a mirror.

39) The Espada- Good luck...*starts building a coffin*

* * *

uryu

1. Call him a nerd.

2. Or a four-eye pervert and say, "You know the time Nemu smothered you? Oh, admit it, you LOVED that!" *wink*

3. Steal his spare capes, and replace them with flowery curtains.

4. Break his glasses and say sorry. Give him the heart-shapped glasses Renji attempted to give Byakuya to Uryu. (Tell him that they're fashionable)

5. Call him girly whenever he sews.

6. Whenever he says that he is an enemy of shinigami, roll your eyes and tell him that no one actually believes that anymore.

7. When he denies being friends with shinigami, tell him that he should stop being so shy.

8. Ask him if he has a girlfriend. Read out a list of possibilities. Cough and say Nemu's name SUPER loud.

9. Mention that certain time when Nemu was smothering him...

10. When he gets embarrassed, repeat that he has no need to be shy. *wink* *wink*

11. Get Nemu to kiss him in a very...*can't think of word to decribe*...(romantic?) way.

12. Take a picture of them.

13. Show it to everyone. Uryu will have a red face for the next 10 years.

14. Watch Mayuri's reactions. Whether he's happy or angry, it's not good for Ishida. Then yell at him (pervert) for taking advantage of that because of him, Mayuri is beating her up again, bad. See if his guilt will ever go away.

15. Constantly yank his capes off and burn them before he has a chance to protest.

16. Ask him if his cape has even been caught in a jet turbine.

17. Get Edna Mode (From the Incredibles) to lecture him about "NO CAPES!"

18. Get hold of some of his baby pics and show them to everyone.

19. Tell him that Isshin says that Karin and Yuzu were cuter and still are.

20. Mention that he has bad taste in clothing, and show all of the Soul Society the costumes of the Karakura Risers and tell them that Uryu made it.

21. If he starts to fire arrows are you, yell at him for having lousy aim, and say how Ryuuken is so much pro than him.

22. Get Nemu to hide you, or help you by smothering him again.

23. Or get Orihime to help you by volunteering him as a test subject for her cooking.

24. Tie him up so that he can't escape, if he tries, call for Nemu and make her smother him. (Just tell her it was Mayuri's orders)

25. Show him the recipe she's using, and be sure to use descriptive detail.

26. Remind him about the time when Orihime was about to start undressing in front of him while he's trying to get free. He'll freak out even more.

27. Or tell him to choose between being a tester for Mayuri or Orihime. Either way, he won't survive.

28. Laugh when Orihime starts to make him eat it.

29. When he's unconscious, drag him to Mayuri's lab to be a test subject anyways. You will be greatly rewarded by Mayuri! :)

30. If he managed to survive that, applaud him and give him more of Orihime's cooking as a reward!

* * *

komamura

1. Steal his helmet and then smash it with a hammer.

2. Tell him he looks more like a dog than a wolf.

3. Get a stick or bone and ask him to play fetch with you.

4. Adopt several cat and give them to him.

5. Watch as he gets overrun by very vicious flea-infested cats.

6. Force him to go see a vet. Watch as the vets prod him and give him shots and all sorts of things.

7. Give him a cat gigai.

8. Whenever you see him, yell "Sit boy!"

9. Ask him if he's potty trained.

10. Force him to follow a list of commands such as roll over, shake, beg, lie down, heel, etc.

11. Give him a collar with a bell and insist that he wear it.

12. Steal one of Kenpachi's bells for the collar and tell him where it is.

13. Watch as Kenpachi destroys Seireitei in search of his missing bell.

14. From a VERY safe distance, watch the confused Komamura fight the angry Kenpachi.

15. Take him for a walk with a leash.

16. Ask him if he requires one of those pooper scooper things.

17. Ask him if he ever shaves.

18. When he releases his bankai, somehow get him to do the macarena, and watch the samurai thing do it.

19. Take a picture.

20. Show to everyone.

21. Alternately, teach him breakdancing. Will be equally hilarious.

22. Ask him if he kicks up one leg when he uses the bathroom.

23. Buy him a catnip mouse.

24. When he questions it, tell him the store ran out of squeaky chew toys.

25. Ask him if he's a poodle or a chihuahua, or some other breed he obviously isn't.

26. Ask him if he's colorblind.

27. Sign him up to be a guide dog.

28. Tell him he has heartworm.

29. Ask him if he ever sniffs other people's butts.

30. Take him to the human world and watch if he hangs his tongue out in a car.

* * *

yoruichi

1) Tell her that she has baggy swimsuits.

2) Look closer, and say, "Oh never mind, that's just your butt...it's kind of sagging"

3) Ask her if she gained weight

4) If she makes a face at you, shake your head and sigh, "You know you can't be goddess of flash and the goddess of McDonalds at the same time..."

5) When she changes into a cat, put a flea collar on her

6) In cat form, squeeze her super tightly and squeal like a little girl

7) Take her to a pet store and report that you have found a stray

8) Make sure that she is put in a cage full of dogs

9) When she transforms back to human, record a video of the storeowners freaking out

10) Send it to all of the Soul Society

11) Tell her that Kisuke wants to see her

12) Make her walk into a room

13) With Kisuke changing clothes

14) See how she reacts

15) Or how Kisuke reacts XD

16) Ask her when she changes to a human where her tail goes

17) When she growls at you, poke her butt and ask if her tail is the same thing as her butt

18) Then laugh and remind her of the time Ichigo grabbed her tail

19) Gasp in horror and say if her tail is her butt, then it means that Ichigo grabbed...

20) Run away before she uses Shunko

21) If you can't run away in time, shout over the noise of the Shunko, "My, my! Who turned on the AC?"

22) Tell her that Soifon stalks her 24/7

23) Invite her to the hot springs

24) Give her directions to it

25) Make sure that Yachiru was the one who made the directions

26) Make sure that the directions lead to the Head Captain's room at midnight

27) Or even better, Komamura room, in cat form

28) Take a picture of Yoruichi being chased by Komamura

29) Show the picture to everyone, don't forget Soifon

30) Watch the confusion/gore from a safe distance. P.S you might want to ask Hachi to make a barrier around you for the next couple of days, just in case...

* * *

kisuke

1) Fill his hat with super-glue

2) When he can't pull it off, get a razor and shave it off

3) "Accidentally" shave of the top part of his hair

4) Watch him freak out

5) Tell him that he looks like the Head Captain Yamamoto, but something's missing

6) Get the hair you shaved off and string it into a beard

7) Super-glue it onto Kisuke when he sleeps

8) When he wakes up, say, "Ah-ha! NOW you look like Yamamoto!"

9) Offer to clean his shop for free

10) Clean the shop using rubbing alcohol

11) Get a customer to smoke in the shop

12) Oops...bumps...falls...burns

13) Keep away from Kisuke until his shop is repaired

14) Replace Benihime with a real cane

15) Use hollow bait to infiltrate the shop with hollows

16) Laugh when Kisuke struggles to release Benihime

17) Sell the real Benihime to an old woman

18) Watch Kisuke demand it back from her

19) Take a picture of when the old lady pummels Kisuke with her handbag

20) Show to picture to everyone in the Gotei 13

21) Run away

22) If he feels tired, give him medicine that Tessai found in a cabinet

23) Rip off the expiration date (expired 50 years ago)

24) Replace it with a new one

25) Put super glue on the toilet

26) Snicker when Kisuke rushes to the bathroom

27) Force Kisuke to admit if he's seen Yoruichi naked

28) Edit the tape to make him sound extremely perverted...OMG

29) Give a copy of the tape to everyone of the Gotei 13, including Soifon and Yoruichi herself. Don't forget to frame Mayuri! (After all, he's probably the only one with the technology to do so in the Soul Society)

30) Watch the skirmish from a distance. When the misunderstandings are cleared up, darn it all! RUN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

* * *

ulquiorra

1) Follow him around all day humming a very upbeat obnoxious song

2) Tell him he's so emo he could make a tree depressed

3) Every time he says 'trash' scream 'can'

4) Replace his green eyeliner with pink. Any shade will do

5) Tell him he takes more time on his makeup than everyone in your school put together (Hey, it's probably true)

6) Replace his uniform with Grimmjow's

7) Every time Grimmjow or Gin walks by play the song 'Sakura Kiss' (from OHSHC)

8) Tell him he looks like a gay shark

9) Every time he battles Ichigo run up and huggle him so he can't move

10) Tell him Kisuke and Yoruichi would've completely pwned him if he hadn't forfeighted

1) Ask him why he calls everyone trash and why he has an obsession about trash

2) Ask him how long it takes to put on all that face paint every day

3) Ask him what brand he uses for his face powder

4) When he sleeps (if he does), paint his mask/helmet thing hot pink

5) See if anyone will treat him seriously ever again

6) Remind him of his attitude towards Orihime

7) Tell him with that personality, he'll never be popular with the ladies

8) Ask him if the green stuff on his face is fungus

9) Call him pooey bear in front of the Espada

10) Ask him if he uses echolocation in his resurrection form, after all, he is a bat. Also ask him if he lives in a cave. Call him Batman an run around him singing the batman theme song, "Bu da bum bum bum...BATMAN!"

11) If he ignores you, run around him in circles and repeat everything he says in an echo-y voice.

12) Bet him that Ichigo will kill him

13) He looses the bet when you show him the new bleach chapters

14) Dare him to smile like a dork for a whole day

15) Watch him refuse with anger

16) Change it to smiling for 3 seconds

17) Take a picture of it

18) Mail it to all of Hueco Mundo, and what the heck, all of Soul Society!

19) Tie a pink bow on his horn

20) Offer to help him with his make-up

21) When he tries to kill you, just sneer

22) Call him trash

23) Make sure that Hachi has created an invisible barrier around you

24) Watch Ulquiorra attempt to slaughter you with a cero

25) Sneer some more and call him a loser

26) When his face turns red with anger, call him a plump tomato

27) Start calling him names like Sniffle-kins, boogey butt, and flobby blubber in the barrier.

28) Watch him release in two his second form and break the barrier

29) Run behind Kenpachi and tell him that he has been challenged to a duel to the death

30) Watch blood-thirst carnage from a distance.

* * *

sode no shirayuki

1. Tell her that her hair clip looks like a moldy mushroom

2. Mock her for being pwned by the same kido spell two times in a row

3. Question continuously why she was given the title as most beautiful

4. Ask her if she has a boyfriend

5. If she says no, mention how Senbonzakura was so upset over her death

6. Also mention how she looks cool with Zangetsu and Hyourinmaru

7. If she gets pissed off, raise and eyebrow and say that it's stupid how the most beautiful sword doesn't have a boyfriend

8. When she sleeps, draw a mustache on her face in permanent marker

9. Run away, seriously

10. Call her an old hag because of her white hair

11. When she attacks you, counter strike with a flame thrower

12. When she uses her ice breath, pinch your nose and say, "Man, you know, there's a new product in town called toothpaste..."

13. Take a screen shot of her using the ice breath on Ichigo

14. Photoshop it to make it look like that she was kissing Ichigo

15. Make a few hundred copies

16. Send them to all of Soul Society, and the Zanpakuto realm

17. When she turns red with anger, ask her if she was stupid enough and ate Orihime's cooking

18. Tell her that for someone so beautiful, she's sure pretty darn cranky

19. Call her cold, apathetic, cruel, and fat.

20. Tell her that with that attitude, she'll never attract any cool guys

21. Squint at her and tell her that her nose is crooked

22. Recommend her for plastic surgery

23. When ever you see her, jump on her and squeal, "Yuki-chan!"

24. Watch the hilarious expressions on the other zanpakuto, Rukia, and Byakuya

25. Tell Senbonzakura that she loves him, and tell him to meet her in a certain location

26. Have him end up being slapped across the face (note: please read our fanfic: The Perfect Moment)

27. Dye all her clothes black and call her gothic

28. Use the ice she shoots out as ice sculptures

29. Ask her if she seduces men (See: Yuki-onna after Author's Note)

30. Say something perverted every time you see her.

* * *

Suzumebachi

1. Attempt to whack her with a fly swatter

2. When she flies super fast around you in circles so you can't use a swatter, get her with insect repellent.

3. Call her Tinkerbell

she tries to sting you, call the pest control

5. Buy one of those bee safety suits

6. Stuff her in a bee hive

7. Get a male worker bee and tell Suzumebachi that he's her new boyfrined

8. Douse her in honey

9. Stick fly paper by every door in soul society and the zanpakuto realm

10. Tell her that her right "stinger" would make a good kabob stick

11. Ask her if she ever picked her nose with the stinger by accident

12. Ask if it hurts

13. Ask her why her stinger is on her arm instead of her butt

14. Call her a wanna-be cheerleader

15. Mention when she went "Bingo! Bingo! Bingo!" (towards Soifon)

16. Enroll her into playing championship bingo with old people in a retirement home

17. Ask her how she carries her bankai around...(I wonder)

18. Accidentally step on her and say, "Oops, sorry, didn't see you"

19. Tell her that she's gained weight

20. Grab her by the wings

21. Call her a list of bugs that she obviously isn't, such as cockroach, slug, tarantula, and butterfly

22. Cup her in your hands and sing the "I'm bringing home my baby bumble-bee" song

23. Use the smoky bee stuff to make her fall asleep

24. Make her the mascot of Apple Bees

25. Drop a bee down someone's shirt, and then accuse Suzumebachi.

26. When she flies at you, blow at her.

27. When she lands on Soifon's shoulder, say, "There's a bee on your shoulder. Don't move!" then whack both of them with a sledgehammer.

28. Spray the hose at her, then ask how she can still fly.

29. Tell her she is unworthy of being Soifon's zanpaktou.

30. Inform her that people in uh...Indonesia eat bees. (Yes, people do eat bees, but we don't know where.)

* * *

Kazeshini

1. Draw peace signs all over his scythe in hot pink permanent marker

2. Make sure he doesn't notice

3. Laugh when he takes out the scythe and says, "This blade is made to end lives"

4. Note the peace signs

5. Enroll him into the UHO (United Hippies Organization)

6. Mention how it is ironic how he got pwned by a wind kido spell even though his name means "Death Wind"

7. Mimic his cackling laughter

8. Then cough and choke and "accidentally" spit on him

9. Pull on his scarf from behind whenever he makes a speech about death.

10. Put LOTS of flowery makeup on his face when he's sleeping.

11. Ask him how much hair gel he needs to get his hair like that.

12. Tell him he must be pretty ugly for the producers of Bleach to black him out like that.

13. Tell him a joke: What's bony and hairy and black all over?

Kazeshini!

14. Sign him up for baby-sitting Yachiru

15. Make him wear a tie-dye t-shirt

16. If he refuses, tell him that it is the official I-Hate-Hisagi uniform

17. Take of picture of him in it and send it to all of the soul society and zanpakuto

18. Pretend to be spraying a building, and when he walks over, "accidentally" spray a large neon yellow peace sign on his stomach

19. Watch him struggle to wipe it off

20. Laugh when he wipes off part of the peace sign

21. Mention that it is now a mercedes benz sign

22. Enroll him into the American Red Cross

23. Watch as he freaks when the members try to confiscate his scythe

24. Set the end of his hair on fire! (YEAH! )

25. Note that his hair curves into an arc

26. Paint it to look like a rainbow.

27. Add the hippie shirt and the peace sign shirt, send pictures to everyone

28. Look at him for a few seconds and then say, "Mr. Grim Reaper, have you grown fat?"

29. Change his theme song into 'Yankee Doodle'

30. Watch him become confused whenever he makes an entrance.

* * *

**senbon zakura**

1) Trick Kenpachi into destroying all of the mask stores in Soul Society (Tell him that Ichigo demands a rematch and is hiding in one of the mask shops)

2) Steal Senbonzakura's samurai mask and replace it with a Mickey Mouse mask

3) Watch the frustrated Senbonzakura panic and can't find any other replacement

4) Laugh when he wears the Mickey Mouse mask

5) Call all of Soul Society and Zanpakuto to look

6) Tell Yachiru that Disney Land is here

7) Watch Senbonzakura run in circles being chased by Yachiru

8) Call him all the swear words you can think of because he commanded Byakuya to kill Sode no Shirayuki

9) When he gets pissed off, tell him that Shirayuki has come back as a flesh eating zombie to devour him

10) Have Hyourinmaru train by Byakuya's mansion

11) Laugh when Senbonzakura freaks at the sight of ice thinking that Shirayuki is back for revenge

12) Give him a copy of our fanfic: The Perfect Moment

13) Watch him scream about how Shirayuki did NOT slap him through a wall and into a Captain's Meeting. (You might want to read/review The Perfect Moment to understand this)

14) Give another copy to Sode no Shirayuki (We don't care that she's suppose to be "dead" in the anime, she's AWESOME!)

15) Tell her to follow the script if she wants revenge

16) Watch our fanfic come to life

17) Give a final copy to the Seireitei Monthly to get published. Senbonzakura shall forever be humiliated.

18) Cut his hair into a bowl cut

19) If you have not switched his mask, then super-glue a finger up the samurai's mask's nose. (Just go to squad 11 and ask for one)

20) Run to Unohana and panic about how Senbonzakura severed off her patient's finger and is using it to pick his nose

21) Get all of the zanpakuto and shinigami to watch the disturbing misunderstanding sort out in a violent way.

22) Ask him how he is able to breath through his mask

23) If he ignores you, offer, nah, don't offer, just get a screwdriver and turn his mask's nostrils into the size of melons. O_O

24) See if anyone will treat his "warrior's pride" seriously ever again

25) Go to Yamamoto and demand to sue Senbonzakura for murder of his family

26) When Senbonzakura asks, "What family?" say that he killed his wife

27) When he asks, "What wife?" mention Sode no Shirayuki being his "girlfriend"

28) When he looks confused, smile and say it again in an extremely perverted tone

29) Raise your eyebrows and wink for a stronger effect, and watch Byakuya, Rukia, Ichigo, and the others stare at him with their mouths open in disgust.

30) Senbonzakura shall forever be shunned and called "Perverted" or "Murderer" or "Perverted Murderer" for the rest of his life

* * *

zabimaru

Zabimaru (female) (monkey)

1) Ask her if she has a genetic disease that gives her green fur

2) And purple-ish hair

3) Ask her why she doesn't wear any clothes

4) Each time she walks into public, shout out, "NAKED LADY!"

5) Or even better, "NAKED MONKEY!"

6) Tell everyone that Renji hangs out with a naked woman 24/7

7) Ask her how she was able to tattoo her hair (Note that she has black markings on the two strips of her hair)

8) Poke her butt and ask where her tail is

9) Then look at Snakey and exclaim, "OOOHHHH..."

10) Ask her what it is like to have a snake for a butt

11) Warn her not to eat any beans or she might kill Snakey

12) Call her an over weighted cow

13) Call her gender confused

14) Mention that in their animal form, she is a woman yet has a guy for a butt

15) Run behind Senbonzakura when she tries to kill you (assuming that he does not know you were the one who did the entire How to Annoy Senbonzakura things)

* * *

Zabimaru (male) (Snakey)

1) Ask him what the white things are where his ears are suppose to be

2) When he tells you that they are ears, ignore him and call them creampuffs

3) Get him to play with Yachiru

4) Squeal and say, "AWWW how cute! Two little pink hair babies!"

5) Ask him if he ever threw up from being swung around from the chain by Monkey

6) Start playing the flute-thingy (We do not know what it is called) that make cobras dance. (You know, from the basket thing? Cobra charmers?)

7) Ask him why he is not wiggle dancing

8) Get him mad enough to chase you around in circles

9) Make sure that the circles are made around Monkey

10) Keep running until the chain connected the two of them completely wraps up Monkey, and the two of them fall down

11) Laugh and take a picture

12) Send the picture to every shinigami and zanpakuto

13) Tie a bell at the end of Snakey's tail so it jingles every time he moves

14) Better, tie his tail to the end of a patient's table in Squad 4. Get him to chase you.

15) Watch him wreak havoc in Squad 4. Then watch Unohana wreak havoc on HIM.

* * *

wabisuke

Wabisuke

1. Call him an ugly, baggy, saggly old fart.

2. Force him to go to an amusement park.

3. When the ticket master looks at the two of you weirdly, smile charmingly and say that he wanted to get out of the nursing home.

4. Drag him to the roller coasters. The really tall ones with loop-dee-loops.

5. Watch as the people in charge of the ride struggle to buckle him to the seat, and can't because of the rock thing.

6. When they finally succeed, in the middle of a loop, get his sword and tap him several times.

7. Make sure you have a parachute as the roller coaster collapses from the weight. (TAKE A ROLLER COASTER WITHOUT PEOPLE!)

8. Take his zanpakuto, and whack everyone with it when they aren't looking and then blame it on him while they struggle to get up.

9. If he shakes his chain thing to say something, look at him weirdly and say, "All right, all right, I get it, you want to fight Kenpachi."

10. Watch him get pwned by Kenpachi.

11. If he's still alive (very doubtful,) cut his hair. Buzz cuts or sideburns are good.

12. Or just cut it all off. Call him Ikkaku.

13. Take him back to the amusement park, and go on the ferris wheel.

14. Repeat the sword tapping, and once again, get a parachute.

15. Go to the bumper cars.

16. Get everyone to mob his car (that he barely fit in.) Surround him and then smash into him. Maybe he'll go flying.

17. Drag him to a fun house.

18. Show him the funny mirrors.

19. He'll probably freak out, because seriously, I doubt he's ever looked in a mirror before.

20. Show him the mirrors that make people look fat and say "Wow, Wabisuke, you need to go on a diet! You're really...obese!"

21. Drag him to the water rapids and make sure he gets REALLY drenched.

22. Force him to get a bright happy yellow balloon with a smiley face.

23. Tie it to his wrist and say how nice it looks with him. Or, you can paint his iron chain and ball thingy yellow and paint a happy face on it. Then, but a couple hundred of balloons and tie it on the wiehgt on his back. If he floats away, run away. (The balloons will have to pop, and a 100 ton weight/person will come falling towards earth. Then call the government and report an alien invasion.) Or, you can stick a sign on his that says Balloons $0.25. Then call the police about a perverted old man tricking innocent little kids. Laugh when the poilce try to put ankle weights on him, then change their minds after seeing Wabisuke's own weights. (This was a long one...)

24. Take him on those love boats tunnel of love things.

25. Somehow get a lady to sit next to him.

26. Get a megaphone, and yell into the tunnel that he has to kiss her.

27. Scream inside that if he doesn't you'll make his life even more miserable.

28. Get the camera to take pictures of the lady screaming in terror and falling in the lake as Wabisuke tries to kiss her. (Yes, he's desperate to get rid of you)

29. Make many copies/ videos of the fiasco and show them to everyone!

30. Get Kenpachi to protect you as Wabisuke hunts you down.

* * *

fuji kuujaku

: Ruri-iro Kuujaku

1. Stare at his face, and tell him he has a really big zit.

2. Offer him cream/lotion for dry skin which actually makes people itch like crazy.

3. Watch him scratch himself like crazy the whole day.

4. Call him Fuji Kuujaku constantly.

5. Pull his feathers and say that there's a shortage of pillows so you need to borrow some to stuff yours.

6. Scream whenever you see him, clutch your eyes, and scream, "My eyes, they burn! His ugliness is blinding me!"

7. Stick laxatives in his food.

8. Whenever he goes on a beauty rant, say, "I know, you really are beautiful! Compared to Wabisuke I mean."

9. Put clown make up on him when he sleeps.

10. Hear him scream the next morning when he looks in the mirror.

11. Alternately, draw a mustache and big fuzzy eyebrows on him in big black permanent marker.

12. Force him into a Rock Lee (naruto) cosplay costume thing.

13. Take pictures, and show them to everyone!.

14. When you hear moaning sounds in the bathroom, say loudly, "Oh, what an ugly way to suffer."

15. Cackle like a maniac whenever you see him and shoot bazookas at him. (Yeah, it's random.)

16. Watch him dodge your shots, and then throw in a firecracker that makes his hair stand straight up.

17. Take more pictures and show them to everyone!

18. After the humiliation, blame it on Ganju.

19. Watch as Fuji Kujaku hunts Ganju down.

20. Warn Ganju in advance, and help him gather a whole bunch of boars.

21. Start a stampede of boars as Fuji Kujaku comes.

22. Watch him get trampled, and shake your head, commenting to the people who are watching the stampede with you that this is one very painful and ugly way to die.

23. If he survived the boar stampede, force him down Kukaku's canon.

24. Now point him high into the sky and FIRE IN THE HOLE!

25. Tell him his aesthetic taste is very poor, and advise him to buy better cologne.

26. If he doesn't use cologne, fan your nose and say, "Phew, no wonder! You smell like Ganju's boars!"

27. Ask him why he still hasn't taken a shower after being trampled and shot out of a cannon.

28. Pull on his braid every time you see him.

29. Tell him he looks like a harpy, and add that he's not the most beautiful, Sode no Shirayuki is, and he can't even be considered competition.

30. Make sure you can out run his sword, and FLEE before he releases his shikai!

* * *

haineok

1. Stare at her, grin pervertedly, and drool.

2. Make disturbing comments about her body.

3. When she snaps back at you, laugh and poke her stomach, and say, "Oh my, you have a lot of blubber!"

4. Call her a saggy baggy hag with lots of wrinkles.

5. Alternately, say, "Go away! I only surround myself with beautiful women!"

6. Then flirt with Matsumoto, and call her beautiful. Watch Haineko become enraged.

7. Poke her face, and say, "Whoa, you've gotta ton of zits. You have more than all the buildings in Seireitei."

8. Bribe the male zanpakuto to tell her she's fat, or just drool at her.

9. Now enlist the twins' help, and make them hide in a hole in the ceiling.

10. When she passes, get the twins to jump her, and when they land, tell them to giggle and say, "Wow Haineko! Thanks for blocking our fall! Your fat cushioned us!"

11. Compare her to Matsumoto, and tell her how much better Matsumoto is.

12. Set her up on a blind date thing.

13. Choose Ashisogi Jizo.

14. Watch them try to make conversation, and fail miserably.

15. Or Wabisuke works too.

16. Drag them to the amusement park from the chapter with Wabisuke. (my, I wonder where this will lead to...)

17. Now, make sure Haineko is the one in the tunnel of love!

18. Watch as she fall into the water and Wabisuke panics, and then the weird weight thing on his back 'somehow' makes him also fall into the water. (rig the boat)

19. Make sure that Haineko is unable to swim. (Probably, she won't, seeing as cats hate water)

20. Watch as he sinks, and in his panic, his shikai bangs Haineko several times.

21. She gets hit about 10 times, and watch her struggle to get out of the water screaming.

22. Call out, "My, my, Haineko! I warned you to lay off that chocolate cake!"

24. When she falls unconscious after nearly drowning, and they somehow dragged her from the water, force Wabisuke to perform mouth to mouth resuscitation.

25. When she finds out what happened, watch her freak out.

26. Sigh, and say, "Show a little gratitude for what he did! I mean, you should be relieved that it wasn't Ashisogi Jizo doing it."

27. Get Wabisuke to say that her breath stank.

28. Make sure you filmed the whole thing. (Make sure Wabisuke made a lot of sappy comments)

29. Show the video to everyone!

30. What are you waiting for? FLEE!

* * *

Tobiume

. Tell her that Haineko is a lot cooler and stronger.

2. Ask her why she's so old-fashioned, wearing a kimono.

3. Steal her hairpin thing and say that it looks like a mutated grape cluster.

4. Tell Kenpachi she enlarged two of his bells and won't give them back because she uses them.

5. Watch him wreak havoc searching for Tobiume.

6. Get a fire extinguisher.

7. When she starts shooting fireballs, spray her with it.

8. Ask her how her sash stays suspended in the air.

9. Suggest ideas on how it stays there that freak her out.

10. Sign her up to be an assistant for a mall Santa. Her job is to ring her bells loudly.

11. Make sure you stick her in an elf outfit.

12. Laugh when you see her standing there in her bright green costume.

13. Make sure the Santa is Getsuburi.

14. Get one of the kids to ask them if they're together! (XD...though that's kinda disturbing...)

15. Get the other zanpakuto to restrain them from hurting the little kid.

16. Oh, and take a picture of Tobiume and Getsuburi in holiday outfits.

17. Send to everyone who didn't see!

18. When she and Haineko start fighting each other, yell "Cat fight! Cat fight!"

19. Invite her out for a barbecue, and make her light the fire.

20. If she blows everything up because she made a fireball that was too big, make sure someone is standing near the explosion.

21. Watch her being hunted down by angry burned shinigami/zanpakuto.

22. Pull her pigtail things, and play with her hair and make really weird hairstyles.

23. When she starts throwing fireballs again, make sure you're on a ladder with a large bucket of ice cold water.

24. Slosh it over her.

25. Read out to her a list of really weird and random pairings of her and another character that's just plain creepy to freak her out.

26. Tell her that Hinamori is such a hag. (She isn't, but it's just to annoy Tobiume.)

27. When Tobiume gets mad, poke her forehead and say, "If she's such a wonderful person, then why did you leave?"

28. When she says her reason is because Hinamori is naïve, say, "Fine, she's a naïve hag."

29. If she starts trying to hit you, hold her back by using your index finger and pushing her forehead.

30. Laugh loudly as she flails her arms. (After this, she probably won't hold back and you should run.)

* * *

Ashisogi Jizo

1) When he talks, gasp in horror and run over to him in a concerned voice

2) Demand to know what jerk filled his lungs with helium

3) Tell Yachiru that he wants to play hide and seek with her

4) Laugh and watch Ashisogi Jizo run around in panic with Yachiru chasing him

5) Tell him that he needs to study science some more

6) If he looks confused, tell him that in nature, a caterpillar turns into a butterfly

7) Mention that he is a butterfly that changes into a caterpillar (note: his bankai)

8) Call the UPELBCA (United People of Extremely Large Butterfly Catching Association)

9) Inform them that a new discovered butterfly species has been found.

10) Laugh with pleasure as you watch 100 people trying to catch Ashisogi Jizo with butterfly nets

11) If he gets caught, take a picture of it

12) You might want to hurry with the pictures, because Ashisogi Jizo just went Bankai

13) When he begins to spew out poisons, pinch your nose and moan and complain that he didn't brush his teeth again

14) Make sure that you have stole...err...borrowed the antidote from Mayuri earlier

15) Laugh and watch the confused Ashisogi Jizo get mad over why you aren't dying with pain and agony

16) When he changes back to his normal materialized form, run over and hug him and say in a baby voice, "Aww, is the poor babwy hungwy?"

17) Take him to an orphanage and report that you have found an abandoned baby in the streets

18) When a worker comes to pick him up, laugh when he screams with horror at the sight of Ashisogi Jizo's face.

19) Shake your head and say rather loudly in front of Ashisogi Jizo, "I know, his parents just couldn't stand the appearance of his face after it was accidentally soaked in a poisonous acid. It got all yellow and poofy."

20) Watch Ashisogi Jizo angrily attempt get away, which he can't because you wrapped him in Bakudo 4. (Kido spell)

21) When he starts screaming with anger, smiled and say in another babyish voice, "Aw, he's throwing a fit...how cute..."

22) Finally take him back to the Seireitei to avoid having him go bankai in an orphanage

23) Tell Mayuri that you have discovered an incurable poison

24) Watch the incredulous Mayuri test it out, and realize that it IS incurable. (Note: It's just Orihime's cooking. P.S. If you want to read a funny fic about how Orihime's cooking wreaks havoc among Soul Society, please read/review: Cuisine of Death)

25) Laugh when Mayuri tries to perform surgery on Ashisogi Jizo, demanding to replace his poison with this new incurable (Orihime's cooking) poison.

26) When he prepares for the operations, replace Orihime's cooking with perfume

27) Watch Mayuri throw a tantrum over the results of the operation

28) Laugh when Ashisogi Jizo tries to kill you, and tell him that the Shinigami Women's Association wants him to go to their meeting to sweeten up the smell of the room. Tell him similar things, except from different locations to sweeten the smell of: The bathroom, the captain's meeting, the food stores, and the Shinigami Men's Association.

29) Call Kenpachi and tell him that he has been challenged to a duel to the death

30) Laugh wildly as you watch Kenpachi charge toward an Ashisogi Jizo that is spewing out perfume.

* * *

Reign over the Frozen Heavens...Hyourinmaru!

1) Tape a match on his tail

2) Turn it on

3) Watch the very confused Hyourinmaru get laughed at when his tail melts.

4) Tell everyone that he wet his pants (The melted ice forms a puddle)

5) Constantly bother him with stupid questions and see how long it takes for him to crack (I would say a few weeks, or depending on how annoying you are)

6) Lead him to a room, saying that it was an order from Toushiro.

7) Lock him in that room and set the fangirls on him

8) Take him to the beach on a very hot day

9) Make sure that you keep him busy so he can't hide in the snack bar

10) Tell a bunch of little kids that he is the ice cream man

11) Make a video of him using his powers to make popsicles for the little kids

12) Send the videos to the WORLD! MUHAHAHAHA...ahem...sorry

13) Take him to the indoor pools

14) Lock him in the sauna for a couple of hours

15) Turn the heat to max!

16) Peep into the window and demand why he is not melting

17) Smile when you say the word melt and drop to the ground screeching, "I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING!" (From the Wizard of Oz)

18) When he breaks out, call the fangirls

19) Force him into the hot tubs with VERY hot water (he won't be able to get out because if he does, he'll get mauled by the fangirls)

20) When the fangirls leave, tell the dehydrated and heat stroked Hyourinmaru to take a soak in a nice cool...pond...hehe

21) When he steps in, make sure that he ends up freezing up everything in the pond (including the fish)

22) Call the owner of the pond, guess who? BYAKUYA!

23) Watch Senbonzakura Kageyoshi chase a confused Hyourinmaru wearing a bath towel only.

24) Make yet another video of it

25) Post in on the Seireitei Monthly.

26) Set him on a blind date (Get some random dude to tell him that Toushiro set it up. Because we're pretty sure that he no longer trusts you...)

27) If he asks who it is, say that it's Sode no Shirayuki to make him agree. (After all, she IS the most beautiful zanpakuto of Soul Society...and she's just as AWESOME!)

28) Get him on the blind date for dinner at a fancy restaurant

29) Laugh and watch him pass out when he sees his REAL blind date is. Believe me, it is NOT Sode no Shirayuki...it is: Gegetsuburi!

30) Well? What are you doing just standing there laughing? RUN DARN YOU!

* * *

zangetsu and hollow ichigo

1) Replace Zangetsu's glasses with pink sparkly heart-shaped ones. (The ones that Renji attempted to give Byakuya in a Shinigami Work Diary)

2) Laugh along with Hollow Ichigo and take some pictures

3) Post the picture online

4) Ask why Zangetsu's arms are often not seen/drawn (You know, they're often "hidden" in his cloak)

5) If he ignores you, start poking his arms with a katana saying stuff like, "Is THIS your arm? No wait...where are they?"

6) Ask whether his clothing is one-pieced

7) Ask if he wears anything under it...or is he naked under there?

8) Tell him that he needs to shave

9) When he sleeps, attempt to help him shave

10) End up giving him a bunch of cuts and wounds on his face

11) Blame it on Hollow Ichigo

12) Watch Hollow Ichigo laugh like a maniac, and smile peevishly at him

13) When he stops laughing at looks a bit freaked at you whisper into his ears, "You're next..."

14) Let me tell you, he'll be paranoid for quite a while

15) When he sleeps, paint Hollow Ichigo's clothes black and his hair orange

16) Laugh when he gets all pissed off when everyone keeps calling him Ichigo

17) Watch him roar that he is NOT that weakling Ichigo

18) Walk up to him and say, "You say you do not have a name? Well, here's a list:"

Give him a bunch of fan made names that sound very stupid: Ogihci Ikasoruk (Ichigo Kurosaki spelled backwards) Hichigo Shirosaki, and a bunch of other funny names)

19) When he starts screaming at you, nod and say, "Alright, I guess we'll settle for Otaku (dork)."

20) When he starts chasing you in bankai form, run to Zangetsu for protection

21) After Zangetsu saves you, smile sweetly at him and say, "Thanks man! I guess I'll turn my attention back to you!"

22) Laugh when he begins to twitch

23) Spike Zangetsu's hair into Kenpachi style

24) Call Ichigo to come and see, watch Ichigo die of laughter

25) When Zangetsu stands on a pole dangling in the air (like he always does for dramatic effect, you know, in Ichigo's inner a bunch of buildings world?) AS I was saying, when he stands on a high place on a pole, attack him with a hose and knock him down

26) When Ichigo is upset, tell Zangetsu right away that Ichigo's in a great mood, so the weather will be spectacular today.

27) Snicker when Zangetsu steps onto the buildings and goes, "Ah, what a lovely..."

BOOM! Starts raining a thunder storm. Burst out into laughter at the drenched Zangetsu.

28) Set both Zangetsu and Hollow Ichigo on a date, telling them each SEPARATELY that it is with Sode no Shirayuki. They won't be able to resist.

29) Get Hollow Ichigo's back to face Zangetsu on the date, and make sure he is wearing a white cloak so Zangetsu can't tell who he is.

30) When Zangetsu walks over, thinking that the figure in white is Shirayuki, and says something very...gentlemanly, Hollow Ichigo turns around to expect Shirayuki, and when the two see each other..."AHHHHH!" SO WRONG! Watch them scream!...and then after soaking it in, run run as fast as you can!

* * *

thanksgiving (im bored sooo)

Ichigo:

To get him fat: Get Isshin to tie him to a chair and force feed 10 tons of chocolate marshmallow strawberries down his throat

To get him skinny: After he gets super fat, tell him that the rest of his food he shall eat for the rest of his life will be chocolate marshmallow strawberries and see if he'll ever eat again

-Zangetsu:

To get him fat: Dress up as a professional doctor and tell him (scientifically) that he's aging, and must gain 100 more lbs if he wishes to stay in good health.

To get him skinny: Tell him that Ichigo would grow him some trees and a garden if he went and lost a couple of lbs.

-Hollow Ichigo:

To get him fat: Tell him that Ichigo would get him some purebred puppies if he went and gained a couple of lbs. (From one of the previews in the zanpakuto Strike Back Arc where Zangetsu and Hollow Ichigo were complaining that Ichigo's inner world had nothing but buildings)

To get him skinny: Tell him that the most distinctive difference between him and Ichigo is not their power, but that Hollow Ichigo's so much fatter.

-Rukia:

To get her fat: Tell her that an order from Head Captain Yamamoto states that all shinigami must be over 200 lbs

To get her skinny: Give her a drug that makes her SUPER slow, and then convince her that she must be gaining weight. She'll end up on a BIG diet.

-Sode no Shirayuki:

To get her fat: ...uh...sorry having a sudden disturbing images of a fat Shirayuki...shiver...

To get her skinny: Tell her that she has been booted out of the title Most Beautiful Zanpakuto because everyone noticed that she's been gaining weight.

-Uryu:

To get him fat: Tell him that Quincys have a reputation for being as thin as a stick and extremely fragile

To get him skinny: ...I think that he's skinny enough...

-Orihime:

To get her fat: Err...sorry people, she CAN'T get fat. Remember, "All of those calories must have been absorbed by her...part...thing..."

To get her skinny: Lock her in her house so she can't go shopping for crazy foods

-Chad:

To get him fat: Tell him that it has been proven that sugar makes people buff

To get him skinny: ...Has no idea whatsoever...

-Yamamoto:

To get him fat: Do the same thing as how to make Zangetsu fat

To get him skinny: Tell him that he is constantly losing fan girls because old men aren't supposed to be muscular

-Sasakibe:

To get him fat: Uh...well...you can always...

To get him skinny: Well...can't think of anything specific...so...just lock him in a barrier for a couple of weeks I suppose...or, you can replace his tea with acid! Ouch, that'll leave a mark...

-Gonryomaru:

To get him fat: Tell him that the REAL reason why Soifon mocks him so much is because he's too skinny for his clothes.

To get him skinny: When he asks you for suggestions to stay fit, laugh and say, "Sorry, but I don't think you can get any thinner!"

-Soifon:

To get her fat: Tell her that Yoruichi thinks she's way too skinny

To get her skinny: Tell her that Yoruichi thinks she's getting slower and slower by the minute, must be from eating so much...

-Suzumebachi:

To get her fat: ...She's a bee...how fat can she get?

To get her skinny: Spray her with insect repellant, and see if she'll shrivel up

-Omaeda:

To get him fat: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...sorry...I mean, can he GET any fatter?

To get him skinny: ...Good luck with that...

-Gegetsuburi:

To get him fat: ...same...snicker...concept with...giggles...Omaeda...HAHAHA

To get him skinny: Get Omaeda skinny, and he'll change too

-Gin:

To get him fat: Tell him that it was Aizen's orders

To get him skinny: Tell him that Aizen plans on killing him because he's getting useless and slow...unless he goes on a diet

-Izuru:

To get him fat: convince him that Gin left the shinigami because he was sick of having a stick for a lieutenant

To get him skinny: After he becomes fat, say, "Oh wait, or did Gin leave because he thought you were too thin..."

-Wabisuke:

To get him fat: Tell him that if he gains weight, it'll add to his collection of weights...get it? LOL

To get him skinny: ...He's skinny already...

-Unohana:

To get her fat: I don't think that anything will convince her to...

To get her skinny: Tell her that Squad 11 thinks she's fat... (She'll either try to lose weight, or she might walk over to Squad 11 and create a massacre)

-Minazuki:

Our greatest apologies, but we don't even know if Minazuki's a guy or a girl or what he/she looks like... (We're assuming that Minazuki's a girl...)

-Isane:

To get her fat: Tell her that Unohana hates skinny people

To get her skinny: Tell her that if she doesn't lose some weight, than Unohana is planning on giving her "special" treatment on weight-loss

-Hanataro:

To get him fat: Give him free candy and say that it's from Unohana and she expects him to eat ALL of it

To get him skinny: Same concept with Isane

-Aizen:

...No clue really...

-Hinamori:

To get her fat: Tell her that larger people seem to be tougher, and that she can too

To get her skinny: Tell her that Aizen left because he was sick of looking at a fat lieutenant every day

-Tobiume:

To get her fat: Tell her that if she eats more, she'll be just as hot as Haineko

To get her skinny: Tell her that Hyourinmaru thinks that she's fat

-Byakuya:

To get him fat: Tell him that Rukia thinks gives him the nickname: Twig face

To get him skinny: Tell him that Hisana would always complain how fat he was

-Senbonzakura:

To get him fat: Replace him samurai suit with an extra large one, and state that he must have some disease that makes him lose 10 lbs a day.

To get him skinny: Replace his samurai suit with a extra small one and state that he must be getting fat...and say out loud, "No wonder Shirayuki avoids you..."

-Renji:

To get him fat: Tell him that he'll never beat anyone in a food eating contest

To get him skinny: Tell him that the fangirls that stare at him are leaving because blubber is starting to form on his stomach

-Zabimaru:

To get them fat: Free food on the house!

To get them skinny: Sneak weight losing pills into every food they are served

-Komamura and Tenken:

To get him fat: Fill their food with 100 lbs of sugar, and then 100 lbs of salt to hide the sugar's flavor

To get him skinny: Make them realize what was in the food and tell them that ALL the food these days are like that

-Iba:

To get him fat: Tell him that the Shinigami Women's Association mocks him for looking to weak and thin

To get him skinny: Tell him that the Shinigami Women's Association also mocks him for running around with him fat stomach jiggling around as well

-Kyoraku:

To get him fat: Give him 100 boxes of candy and tell him that Nanao spent 10 days making it for him, he'll have to eat it!  
To get him skinny: Tell him that both Lisa and Nanao complain that he's so fat

-Katen Kyoukotsu:

To get them fat: Tell them that Kyoraku moans about how women are so skinny and wimpy, and it applies to them especially.

To get them skinny: Oh! Tell them that Kyoraku doesn't mind them leaving him, for he surrounds himself with beautiful women, not two fat lady sumo people.

-Nanao:

To get her fat: Invite her to Orihime/Rangiku's chocolate buffet. Force her to eat everything.

To get her skinny: No sweat. After the buffet, she'll never eat again

-Tousen:

To get him fat: replace his food with condensed carbohydrates

To get him skinny: Replace his food with soggy leaves

(For both of these methods, they will work since he can't see what he's eating anyways...)

-Hisagi:

To get him fat: Bribe Kazeshini to force food down his throat every midnight when he sleeps

To get him skinny: Bribe Kazeshini to slice up everything is about to eat for Hisagi eats it

-Kazeshini:

To get him fat: Tell him that Hisagi plans on destroying all the food he eats when he has the chance. Kazeshini will begin to wolf down his food paranoid-ish.

To get him skinny: Well, we all agree that Kazeshini is another one of those skinny people...right?

-Toushirou:

To get him fat: Tie him down and call Rangiku and her chocolate buffet over

To get him skinny: He'll never eat again after that...LOL

-Hyourinmaru:

To get him fat: Tell him that Toushiro thinks he's too skinny

To get him skinny: Tell him that Toushiro changes his mind and thinks that Hyourinmaru to too darn chubby for an ice dragon

-Kenpachi:

To get him...uh...Please, don't try anything with him...

-Yachiru:

Okay...to get her fat...you got to...uh...I think Kenpachi is looking at us funny...run away...

-Yumichika:

To get him fat: replace his mirror with a fun house mirror to make him look super skinny, he'll freak out XD

To get him skinny: Same thing, just use a different mirror to make him look obese

-Fuji Kujaku:

To get him fat: Tell him that his face is getting very bony lately

To get him skinny: Feed him a potion that makes his feathers fall of, and then tell him that the falling feathers are a result of over weight.

-Ikkaku:

To get him fat: Give him a potion that suppose to make him grow hair, but is actually a bunch of sugar juice

To get him skinny: Tell him that baldness comes from eating too much.

-Houzukimaru:

To get him fat: Send him to an all you can eat buffet with Ikkaku

To get him skinny: Lock him in the all you can eat buffet restaurant and when the food runs out, leave him in there with Ikkaku for a month or so...

-Mayuri:

To get him fat: Tell him that he'll never be as good as Kisuke because he's too twig like.

To get him skinny: Replace his poisons with a body mass absorbing gas.

-Ashisogi Jizo:

To get him fat: Convince Mayuri to give him surgery to make him fat so he can hold more poison

To get him skinny: Make sure that the poison you used makes the host turn into a bony figure

-Nemu:

Do whatever in the name of Mayuri-sama

-Ukitake:

To get him fat: Tell him that Unohana says that the more he eats, the less coughing he will have

To get him skinny: Give him some sough drops to eat which are actually Mayuri's body mass absorbing poisons

-Sogyo no Kotowari:

To get them fat: Tell them that there's a pie eating contest game

To get them skinny: Tell them that Ukitake's playing a game with them called: See who can not eat for the longest period of time

-Kiyone and Sentaro:

Tell them that Ukitake declared a get fat/skinny race between them

**Up next...the Espada!**

-Stark:

To get him fat: Tell him that the tradition is that the primera espada must be at least 366 lbs

To get him skinny: After he gets to be 366 lbs, tell him that you screwed up and he's suppose to be UNDER 366 lbs.

-Barragan:

To get him fat/skinny: ...I think that his death breath will destroy everything...

-Harribel:

To get her fat: Tell her that she's so skinny that her rib cages are showing

To get her skinny: Tell her that she's developing a physical similarity with Barragan and Zommari

-Ulquiorra:

Eh...Whatever you say, he'll reply with, "I have no time to deal with trash."

-Nnoitra:

To get him fat: Tell him that the reason he lost to Kenpachi was that he was too fragile and delicate

To get him skinny: Tell him that his Espada uniform makes him look like a walrus

-Grimmjow:

To get him fat: Tell him that his uniform and him mix like a bag full of blubber

To get him skinny: Tell him that his abdominals are disappearing and so are his fangirls

- Zommari:

To get him fat: Make him go into resurrection form (lol, we think that his pink pumpkin form is soooo stupid and fat...)

To get him skinny: YOU CAN'T! 'CUASE HE GOT PWNED BY BYAKUYRA AND IS DEAD! MWAHAHAHAHA!...sorry

-Szayel:

To get him fat: Tell him that ALL true scientists have to be fat

To get him skinny: Tell him that he would have died a quicker and painless death if he weren't so fat, then Ashisogi Jizo could've eaten him faster.

-Aaroniero:

To get IT fat: ...I feel sick...

To get THAT THING skinny: ...Don't wanna think about it...

-Yammy:

To get him fat: unless you have eyeball issues, he IS fat

To get him skinny: Introduce him to an exercising program (unless he destroys it...)

* * *

Gonryomaru

1) Ask him why he has no pupils

2) Heck, ask him why his eyes whites are black

3) Gasp in horror and declare that ALL of his eyes are his pupil

4) Report to the Head Captain that Sasakibe has been feeding Gonryomaru drugs

5) Tell him that he talks like a constipated person

6) On his birthday, buy him constipation pills

7) Tell him that it was from Unohana

8) Watch the poor Gonryomaru storm over the Unohana's and demand why she gave him this insult

9) Recall that you forgot to mention how "scary" Unohana really is

10) Run away and call the cemetery and ask them if they make graves for zanpakutos

11) Mock him for getting agitated from Soifon's teasing

12) Remind him that when it rains, his powers increase

13) Tell him that water conducts electricity...

14) So why doesn't he end up shocking himself?

15) When he scoffs and says its because it is HIS power, shake your head and tell him you will be signing him up for science class

16) Watch him get angry

17) Sign him up anyway

18) Make sure his science teacher is Mayuri

19) Laugh when Mayuri chases him around screaming about how he never got the chance to dissect a zanpakuto

20) When he tries to kill you, run to Soifon for help

21) Keep shouting insults at him when Soifon fights him

22) After the fight, offer him some hot tea as an apology

23) When he reaches for the tea, splash it on his face

24) Call Unohana and ask her what to do with a third degree burn

25) Do the exact opposite of what she says

26) Run away when the fourth squad begins to hear his shrieks of pain

27) After a few days, come back and ask him if he would follow you...say that it's a REAL apology, and that the burn was a total accident

28) Bring him to Kenpachi's squad

29) Make him stick his finger in an electrical outlet, and tell him that the squad's electricity is out. When he ejects electricity into the outlet...make sure that you get some friends to turn on everything plugged in. The squad shall erupt/blow into a million pieces

30) Sit back and enjoy as Kenpachi and his squad chase and attempt to kill Gonryomaru around in circles.

* * *

Tenken

1) Ask him if all of the insides of his mouth is charred

2) When he opens his mouth (breath fire), pinch your nose and spry his mouth with breath freshener

3) Or, just use a fire extinguisher. The fire in his mouth will turn to foam. Call Unohana and report that he has rabies. Even better, call Mayuri and say if he treats Tenken, he will be the first scientist to heal a disease of a zanpakuto. Watch Unohana and Mayuri chase Tenken with a bunch of shots. (Tenken will most likely be tackled by Nemu later LOL)

4) Take him to the dentist

5) When the dentist says, "Please open your mouth wide..." try not to laugh

6) Point and call Tenken an arsonist when the dentist's face catches on fire

7) Send the dentist to Unohana's, and keep sobbing and making Tenken sound like a murderer

8) When he goes bankai on you, call the metal shop and tell them that you have found a LARGE supply of free metal

9) If you just want to piss him off, tell him, "Hey! The junkyard just called! They want their tin can back!"

9) Or, call the National Museum and tell them that you have discovered an ancient samurai mummy

10) Laugh when Tenken is being attempted to get pulled away by the SWAT team

11) When he breaks out...keep you distance for a while

12) Mention that Komamura is a dog, and laugh that Tenken serves a dog...get it?

13) Ask him why his skin is red/purple

14) Conclude that he had eaten Orihime's cooking, and it must have been a side effect

15) Gasp that he actually SURVIVED Orihime's cooking

16) Call Orihime and Rangiku and tell them that you have found someone who would be willing to test out their food for them

17) Laugh when Rangiku force feeds their junk down Tenken's throat

18) Stop laughing when you realize that the food just burns up when it hits the fire in his mouth

19) Call the circus and declare that you have found a fire-magician for their next act

20) Take a picture of Tenken in a clown suit

21) Deliver it to all of the shinigami and zanpakuto

22) Mock him how he couldn't leave a scratch on Kenpachi during their battle

23) Another thing about the fire in his mouth: When you see him, sit on a tree above him (because he's large) and roast smores and marshmallows over his mouth.

24) Call all of the zanpakuto and shinigami to join you

25) Ask Tenken why his eyes are yellow

26) When he shows his bankai, shout to him, "You know what they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall!"

27) Somehow trip him when he is in bankai form

28) Get him to crush half of the Seireitei

29) Report it to the Head Captain about the destruction. Report to Kenpachi that Tenken would like a rematch to the death with him

30) Watch the chaos unfold (Yamamoto trying to shout orders with Kenpachi trying to murder everyone)

* * *

Katen Kyokotsu

1. Decorate the skull design on her back with a very large and fuzzy mustache done in permanent marker.

2. Steal her eyepatch.

3. Ask her if she's a Jack Sparrow fangirl. (Pirates of the Caribbean)

4. Then hide her bone headdress thing and give it to the eleventh squad because it matches their division perfectly.

5. When she goes storming about the eleventh division searching for her bone headdress, tell Zaraki that his division is being wiped out.

6. Watch the carnage.

7. Get Sogyo no Kotowari to harass her.

8. Make them play REALLY childish games that only Sogyo no Kotowari would like.

9. And then teach them how to play duck duck goose.

10. Drag some other zanapakutos to play while you're at it.

11. Snicker as you watch her being chased by Ashisogi Jizo or some other random zanpakuto.

12. On Halloween, make the twins drag her out to trick-o-treat and tell her that she doesn't need a costume.

13. Kiss her in front of everyone!

14. Force her to go to the mall with Haineko.

15. Crack up as you watch her get stuffed into clothes that only Haineko would like.

**(second half)**

16. Flirt with her.

17. Tell her that Kyoraku only flirts with them when he's drunk because he thinks that they're ugly. (applies to other one too)

18. When she's hiding her presence, tag along and keep whining loudly that you wanna play ninja too.

19. If she refuses to teach you how to be ninja, scream loudly to reveal where she's hiding.

20. Behave like a whiny two year old whenever she's around.

21. Steal her skull hair accessory thingy and then replace it with Orihime's hairclips.

22. Snicker when Tsubaki appears and starts harassing her.

23. Ask her if she's a Kakashi fangirl and that's why she hides half her face. XD

24. When she says no, then ask if she's trying to be like like Sheik (also uses a mask). (Sheik's from Legend of Zelda...)

25. Start trying to take her mask off to see what she looks like.

26. When she refuses, ask if the reason she uses a mask is to hide her bad breath.

27. On laundry day, (probably the only day you could get hold of some of her masks,) take the extra masks and dye them some glaringly bright color.

28. Laugh when she has no choice but to use the masks.

29. Invite her out to eat.

30. When she just sits there because she doesn't want to remove her mask, comment loudly, "Mmm, this food is _soo_ good!" Watch her get pissed as you enjoy your meal.

* * *

Sogyo no Kotowari

1) Take their fans away

2) When they get sad, give them an electrical fan

3) Tell them that in order for this "toy" to work, they must get an electrical source  
4) Laugh when Sogyo no Kotowari starts to chase around Gonryomaru

5) When Ukitake becomes sick, tell them that he wants to play with them

6) Run away when Sogyo no Kotowari stars to bug Ukitake when he's trying to rest

7) Report to Unohana that they are harassing her patient

8) Try not to feel bad when Sogyo no Kotowari runs away crying from the "scary lady"

9) ...I feel so bad imagining Sogyo no Kotowari crying...sob...oh wait sorry, did I just waste #9?

10) Go to the North Pole and tell Santa that you have found him two more elves

11) Laugh when Sogyo no Kotowari begins to whine about not wanting to "work"

12) Also laugh when they begin to wreak havoc upon the factory

13) When they get kicked out, tell them (lie) that Santa allowed them to use his sled to go home

14) When they get caught and scolded, get Hyourinmaru to come

15) Tell them that Hyourinmaru's tail is strawberry flavored

16) Tell them that Ichigo is also strawberry flavored

17) Watch the twins get chased around by them after chewing on the Hyourinmaru and Ichigo. Make sure to take a picture and put it on the Seireitei monthly.

18) Sign them up for a BORING class lecture every day and watch them die of boredom. Make sure that their teacher is Mayuri. So, either they will be chased around by Mayuri with a pair of surgery knives, or, they will be given tests everyday at their new "school". For Sogyo no Kotowari, I'm not quite sure which is worse.

19) Ask them if they are elves and yank at their ears and ask then why don't they have pointy ears

20) Tell them that Ukitake plans on sending them to the orphanage

21) Force them to watch scary movies at midnight, and trick them into thinking that movies are real

22) Laugh when Sogyo no Kotowari starts screaming about monsters at night, waking up all of the Seireitei

23) Snicker when Yamamoto and the other captains come to demand what they are whining about

24) Laugh as the twins blabber on about monsters

25) Walk to the front and pretend to comfort them

26) Tell the captains that they have nothing to worry about

27) When the shinigami are about to leave, whisper into Sogyo no Kotowari's ears

28) Tell them that Yamamoto is a monster in disguise and plans on eating Ukitake

29) Tell them that the only way to kill him is to attack them with a fire extinguisher

30) Run away laughing and watch Yamamoto get assaulted by the twins and a fire extinguisher. Laugh even harder when the other shinigami try to grab the twins but epically fail.

* * *

Gegetsuburi

1) Call him obese and send his picture to 100 doctors. The next day, Gegetsuburi will receive 100 letters to inform him about recommendation to the OMDA (Obese Men's Diet Association)

2) Lock him into a room where the floor is super hot

3) Make a video of him jumping around

4) Send it to all of Soul Society and the Zanpakuto. Play the video slow motion so that he jiggles a lot

5) When he complains that it is all Omaeda's fault that he is fat, stare at the bag of chips that he is eating and say sarcastically, "Right..."

6) Call the press

7) Tell them that you have the world's fattest man

8) Laugh when Gegetsuburi gets swarmed by people with cameras

9) Enroll him into the Sumo Championship Games

10) Call all of the shinigami and zanpakuto to watch

11) When Gegetsuburi is fouled for not knowing the rules, laugh as he jumps around with anger and point at his stomach, "HAHA! Jiggly jello!"

12) Whenever you see him, make a face and demand that he put on a shirt

13) Mock him how pathetic it was that he got so easily pwned by Ichigo 2 times

14) First time: Soul Society Arc where Ichigo punched through him (weapon form) with his bare fists

15) Second time: Ichigo send a light Getsuga Tenshou without even trying and blows Gegetsuburi away. (Zanpakuto Strike Back Arc)

16) Steal all of Gegetsuburi's chips and snacks

17) Replace them with broiled vegetables

18) Give his snacks to Yachiru

19) Tell Gegetsuburi that Yachiru stole them

20) Run away when he ruins to the 11th division to demand them back

21) Give Kenpachi a call and tell him that you have found him an extremely powerful opponent who is currently harassing Yachiru

22) Persuade Kenpachi to release ALL of his power

23) Watch the blood and gore from a distance

24) Call Unohana and report the chaos

25) When she leaves, sneak into the 4th division and steal all of the patient's food and replace them with severed body parts (from the 11th division)

26) When Unohana returns and freaks out, tell her that Omaeda did it

27) Go to Soifon and report the incident

28) Watch Omaeda get ratted and tortured by Soifon

29) Tell Omaeda that Gegetsuburi set him up

30) When Omaeda starts to try to kill Gegetsuburi, call everyone and tell them that you are selling tickets to see "Assault of the Bouncing Blobs of Idiots" for only $3.99 each. We promise that you'll make a fortune!

* * *

Muramasa

1. Ask him if he's ever scratched his face with his nails. Or even better, picked his nose.

2. Set the furry stuff around his neck on fire.

3. Get Hyourinmaru to put out the fire with his ice, and then freeze Muramasa too.

4. Call him Panda-chan.

5. Give him sideburns.

6. When you see him, scream and tell him to go get a proper manicure.

7. Ask him what the heck is wrong with his shoes.

8. Ask him how long it took to grow his nails out like that.

9. Ask him if he's ever gotten a hangnail.

10. Then put sleeping pills in his food.

11. While he's sleeping, paint his nails bright hot pink.

12. Be sure to remove any nail polish remover.

13. When he does that weird snappy thing with his fingers, ask him if he's ever gotten his nails tangled up in each other.

14. Scream at him for killing Sogyo no Kotowari and Katen no Kyokotsu through Ryujin Jakka. (HOW DARE HE!)

15. Ask him if his feet are really curled up like his shoes.

16. If he says no, ask him why he wears shoes like that.

17. Before he has a chance to reply tell him that if he really does like those kinds of shoes, he has no fashion sense.

18. Force him to go into a sauna, and then lock him inside.

19. Turn the heat WAAYYY up.

20. Watch him sweat to death in his furry thing.

21. When you see him, scream at him to comb his hair.

22. When he refuses, smirk evilly.

23. Shave his head. Wax his new baldness.

24. When he's screaming death threats at you, shrug and say that its his fault for not attempting to look respectable in society.

25. Dye his clothes pink...HOT pink

26. When he's REALLY out to kill you, tell him that pink is a manly color. (It is. Well, for Byakuya at least.)

27. Cackle like a maniac whenever you see him.

28. That should be his cue to run after he's gotten used to it. (Throw frying pans, fire extinguishers, and oxygen tanks. Ever better...wrecking balls.)

29. Compare the size of his fangirls to the size of Ichigo's fangirls. Tell him the difference is pitiful.

30. If you haven't started to run, you really should.

* * *

: Houzukimaru

1) Call Houzukimaru a gorilla

2) Point at the dragon tattoo on his chest and shout, "GUMMY WORM!"

3) Insist that he is NOT Ikkaku's zanpakuto

4) When he asks why, say that Houzukimaru has TOO MUCH hair, whereas Ikkaku has absolutely NONE...and yet zanpakuto are suppose to resemble their shinigami

5) Tell Ikkaku that you have done research with Mayuri and have discovered something

6) Tell him that the reason why he is bald, is because Houzukimaru stole all of his hair, which explains why he has none

7) Continue to persuade Ikkaku

8) Laugh and make a video of Ikkaku trying to murder Houzukimaru and calling him, "HAIR STEALER!" Send the video all over the Seireitei and call it, "The Revenge of the Chrome Dome and the Death of the Hairball"

9) Ask why Houzukimaru has such dark skin

10) Tell him if he is trying to be like Yoruichi

11) Report to Soifon that Houzukimaru is stalking Yoruichi-sama

12) Laugh and watch as Soifon makes 100 Homonka marks all over him

13) When you see him, raise and eyebrow and say, "Dude? Butterfly tattoos? Very...manly..."

14) Ask him why he only wears a loincloth.

15) Steal it

16) Replace it with a pickle barrel

17) When Houzukimaru starts running around looking for his "clothing" wearing a pickle barrel, go find Nanao

18) Tell her that there is an emergency shinigami women's association called in by Yachiru

19) Get all of the female shinigami to a room where Houzukimaru is

20) Previously set the barrel to explode at a certain time

21) When the barrel goes BOOM! The girls go AHHH!

22) Laugh when the female shinigami report to Yamamoto about sexual harassment

23) When Houzukimaru starts doing the lucky dance, shake you head

24) Tell him how surprised you are that his sausage toes can actually hold up his gigantic fat lump of a body

25) Take some pictures and publish them, "The World's Most Sausage Like Toes!"

26) Sneak in sleeping pills into his food

27) When he is asleep, give his hot pink pony tattoos on his body

28) When he wakes up, watch him freak out

29) Tell Ikkaku that Houzukimaru put a tattoo of Ikkaku on his chest

30) When Ikkaku sees that the pink pony is "supposed" to be him, watch the chase/massacre from a distance and try to stop laughing so darn hard.

* * *

Szayel Aporro Grantz

1. Break his glasses, and tell him that Aizen did it (Note how Aizen dramatically shattered his glasses during the end of the SS Arc)

2. Offer him contacts after Szayel gets pened by Aizen for random accusation

3. When he's putting them on, poke his eyes. Hard.

4. Watch him scream and yell at you.

5. Call up Nemu fanboys. In detail, explain the process Szayel went through to ressurect himself.

6. Get them to go murder/harass him. (Fanboys...*shudders*...but they have their uses.)

7. Tell him that it's pretty sad to be killed by an Egyptian clown (Mayuri)

8. If he goes on a scientific rant, interrupt him when he's about to say an important science fact by saying "Gluteus maximus!" (butt in latin) Example: "You see, the-" "Gluteus Maximus!" "Shut up!"

9. Cackle every time you see him and start telling him that he's a sucker compared to Einstein.

10. Ask him if he was the science geek that everyone shunned in school, and that's why he became an arrancar.

11. When you see him, scream, "Kenpachi! Look! Szayel kidnapped Yachiru and stole her hair!"Which Kenpachi shall believe considering that Szayel also has pink hair.

12. Watch as Kenpachi promptly starts beating up Szayel.

13. If he starts talking about being perfect, interrupt and say, "Shut up you hentai!" in a English Accent then smack him with a leather glove.

14. When he goes into resurrection form, ask him if the weird drippy things on his sleeves are super glue that didn't dry yet.

15. Make a face and say, "Ew! Go get a manicure! You're horrible at painting your nails!"

16. Dye his hair white and ask him if the superdrug Mayuri used made him old as well as slowing his sense of time.

17. Ask him why the dolls' organs look like jelly beans. Ask him if they look like that because he was just guessing on how they looked. When he pulls out a doll version of you trying to scare you away, smile and squeal, "KAWAII!"

18. Force him to go to preschool. Tell him that if he listens to you, you will give him the antidote for the time slowing poison.

19. Watch him scream for mercy as the kids try to figure out what 11 is. (Bribe the preschoolers with candy and make them...) When Szayel begins to lecture the kids, give them a thumbs up signal:  
"You see kids, the number of electrons in an atom is directly proportional to the..."  
"GLUETEUS MAXIMUS!"  
"Shut. Up."

20. Tell him that this is revenge for doing sick things to Nemu. (PREVERT! PERVERT PERVERT PERVERT PERVERT!) Poor Nemu. If you feel sick at Szayel for doing that to her, copy and paste this onto your review: _Olll ) (P.S. We now accept Anonymous reviews)

21. Then make him play hopscotch with the little kids.

22. Persuade the teacher to make them play dodgeball. Then make the kids target him.

23. If he tries to attack them after being hit by balls, tell him that if he does anything to them, you'll make sure he has to endure another two more years of preschool.

24. Put sleeping pills in his food.

25. Then allow the kids to draw on his face in permanent marker.

26. Tell Halibel that he has a crush on her. And that he stalks her 24/7 with a camera...especially at night)

27. Watch her hunt down the unfortunate Szayel through Hueco Mundo who still has permanent marker on his face. (Personally we believe he deserves it...MUHAHAHA!)

28. Make sure that everyone sees him.

29. Tape the whole thing, and send to everyone who didn't see it!

30. Uh, you should flee before he starts crushing your organs...Unless you were smart enough to replace his dolls with REAL ones. Then, you can watch him go all like...  
"DIE you insolent human!"  
"snicker..."  
"...huh?"  
"HAHA!"  
"WHY IS IT NOT WORKING?"  
"Hm...maybe you have to squeeze harder?"  
"Oh, I'll try that...Hey, it broke...ARGGGGGG!"  
(Did we mention that the dolls you got him is full of boogers?)

* * *

Renji Abarai

1. When he performs kido, laugh so hard that you start rolling on the floor that you can barely breathe.

2. Force him to take art lessons from Byakuya.

3. Try to not laugh as Byakuya teaches him how to sculpt the Seaweed Ambassador.

4. If Renji insults it, make sure Rukia kicks him hard for insulting "nii-sama's beautiful work of art."

5. Break his headband.

6. Then get him a new one.

7. Tell him it has magical powers to protect him from Espada.

8. Don't mention it's the Headband of Justice.

9. Laugh at Ichigo's face when he sees it on Renji.

10. When he gets annoyed, sigh and say you'll get him a proper one.

11. Get him a new one, and tell him it protects his forehead from projectiles. (This one is supposed to. Really.)

12. If he asks what that symbol in the center is, tell him its a focal point for his reiatsu.

13. Uh...don't bother telling him its a Naruto headband.

14. Okay, now take pictures of Ichigo's priceless face.

15. 16. Tell him that you'll bet a billion bucks that an army of humans with no reiatsu can take him down, bankai and all.

16. When he accepts, smirk. He'll probably smirk back, but he doesn't know what he's in for...

17. Now call up the hundreds of Renji fangirls!

18. Make sure that he gets that weird device thing that allows humans to see shinigami even when they aren't in gigais from the Science Department.

19. Now kick back and watch the show!

20. When he admits that he doesn't have a million bucks, smirk and say that he has to do whatever you say.

21. Now force him to start selling Seaweed Ambassador cookies with the girl scouts!

22. After that, ask him if that furry stuff on his shoulders when he's in bankai form is baboon fur.

23. When he says yes, scream that he's an animal killer.

24. Set the animal rights activists on him.

25. Tell him that you bet he can't take down a sumo either.

26. When he appears in the ring, make sure...there are two people (or at least groups)

27. The sumo is Omaeda...and the crowds are fangirls making comments on how hot Renji is!

28. Tell Omaeda that his biggest bet is to belly flop Renji.

29. Howl with laughter as Renji is squashed by Omaeda's blubber.

30. Now watch as Omaeda is hunted down by the rabid fangirls and Renji can't show his face to anyone for a loong time. XD Oh, and make sure you get the video sent to everyone!

* * *

hisage

1) When he sleeps and is about to wake up, get a little boy to run to his room

2) Tell the boy that the three scars on Hisagi's right eye are tire tracks

3) This should happen...

"Yawn...what...WHAT THE HELL? WHO ARE YOU?"

"I needed tracks for my toy car and Ryoka-san said that..."

"Please leave..."  
3) Videotape the boy running out and make sure that you have bribed him to act like he was crying

4) Play the video on a SUPER large flat screen that you have forced the shinigami men's association to build on top of the 1st squad's building. Put subtitles and blur up the sound so no one could hear what was happening. The newly made subs should say, "Excuse me Mr. Shinigami, can you sign my autograph, I'm a huge fan of..."

"DAMN YOU I DON'T GIVE A (censored) ABOUT (censored) SO (censored) GET YOUR (censored) (censored) OUT OF MY (censored)!

5) Hisagi will be cursed at for child abuse and the destruction of the shinigami reputation XD

6) Steal the 11th squad's sake and hide it in Hisagi's room

7) Tell Kenpachi you have discovered the thief

8) Watch the destruction

9) When the 11th squad takes back their sake, sneak in at night and pour the sake all over the 11th division.

10) Set it on fire.

11) Sneak Mayuri's poison into Hisagi's drink so that he falls asleep every 5 hours

12) Put a torch in his hands when he is sleeping

13) Call the 11th squad and say you have found the arsonist who was trying to get revenge for the sake

14) Call Unohana, seriously

15) Tell Unohana that Hisagi constantly harasses Isane (We told you that we were going to get creative!)

16) If Unohana refuses to believe...set up the following:

Get Hisagi when he is on his 5 hour sleep zone

Chug sake down his throat

Steal all of his clothes except for underwear

Bribe a random girl to take a picture with him...

Save the picture for later

17) The next day, get that random girl to run into the Captain meeting, sobbing about how someone "hurt" her

18) Have her blame Hisagi

19) When no one believes, take out the picture and oh...boy...he's in for it

20) Send a copy to the shinigami women's association

21) Tell Hisagi to go there...and he'll get like...10 slaps on the face.

22) Remember what you told Unohana about Hisagi and Isane? Yeah, she should believe you now. Run away if you wish to avoid the bankai of the scariest/kindest women of the Soul Society.

23) Constantly ask him what the 69 on his cheek means. Ask him if it is something perverted

24) Moan each time you see him about how it was HIS fault that Tousen abandoned the Soul Society: because he had such a crappy lieutenant

25) Steal Kazeshini and use it (shikai) for cutting corn stalks

26) Tell him that you're sorry and you'll give him a free haircut (The shameless man shall accept! If you do not understand: In a shinigami golden cup, Hisagi yanked Renji to Omaeda's house to eat his leftovers)

27) Blindfold him and if he asks why, say it's to prevent his eyes from blinding in the light

28) Indeed give him a haircut, using Kazeshini

29) When he freaks, shrug and say that it was Byakuya's idea. (In another shinigami cup, Byakuya cracked a joke to Renji that he cut his hair with Senbonzakura)

30) Watch the misunderstanding sort out. Snicker when Hisagi storms to Byakuya's mansion. Oh, and while you're at it:

"Unohana-san! Hisagi is hurting another girl!"

"Where?"

"At the Kuchiki's!"

"Kenpachi-san! Hisagi is challenging Byakuya to a duel to the death and you're invited!"

"ALRIGHT!"

"Head Captain! Someone turned the AC too high at the Kuchiki's!"

"...so..."

"We beg of you to use Ryuujin Jakka to melt the frozen house!"

"...Fine..."

"Rangiku! Kira! Hisagi was set up and everyone wants to kill him!  
"Oh My God! Where is..."

"The Kuchiki's!"

* * *

kira

Izuru Kira

1. Call him an emo.

2. Make him wear goth clothes

3. Then make him drunk.

4. Now, call over the Shinigami Women's Association and tell them if they're still doing the paparazzi project, you've got a great deal for them.

5. Now, watch more chaos unfold! Be sure to screen any disturbing scenes that Matsumoto may create.

6. If you are a very energetic person, torture him throughout the day by acting like Yachiru

7. Make him carry all your things, and pat his head and call him a good boy.

8. Wake him up at three in the morning and tell him that you want to go out and play.

9. Then bring along Yachiru and tell her that the three of you are going to Kuchiki's mansion to play in the secret passages.

10. Create loud rackets, and start singing with Yachiru children's songs such as Mary had a Little Lamb.

11. Force Kira to participate, because if he doesn't...Yachiru will play dress up with him!

12. Remind him every time his voice decreases that Yachiru has a lovely tutu that's just his size.

13. Smirk as you hear the Kuchiki servants running around trying to locate the source of the singing.

14. Then when finally Bykuya is called in at four in the morning...Lock Kira out of the secret passages.

15. Be unsure whether to laugh or cry as you hear Kira screaming.

16. Then the next day (or when he's healed) make him play dress up anyways.

17. When Yachiru asks you to play, smile and say that you'll give her lots of candy if you can just rest.

18. Then each time Kira gets stuck in a different outfit take a picture.

19. Show Yachiru how to braid hair, and make her practice on Kira.

20. Apply eyeshadow, eyeliner, blush, and makeup. (or whatever junk people stick on their faces)

21. Get Yumichika for fashion advice.

22. Yumichika won't stop laughing after he sees Kira.

23. Then compare him to Wabisuke and say "hm, I think we need a makeover on Wabisuke too..."

24. Repeat! (omg, my brain hurts imagining Wabisuke with lipstick and flowers...) *cringes inwardly*

25. Blackmail them into becoming your slaves.

26. Threaten to show the pics to everyone.

27. Show to everyone anyways after you get bored.

28. They'll probably hide themselves for a looong time.

29. Make it up to Kira by setting him up with Matsumoto.

30. Bribe Matsumoto with a couple tons of sake to publicly embarrass Kira (like kissing, just for example in front of all the captains in a captain's meeting)

* * *

christmas lol

Ichigo:

Best: A chance to PWN AIZEN'S BUTT! MUHAHAHAHAA...sorry. Hm...maybe a cool bag or necklace or ahem kiss from Rukia...or something any typical high school guy would like

Worst: Strawberry Short Cake dolls

Zangetsu:

Best: A garden for Ichigo's inner world

Worst: Blue prints for more buildings in Ichigo's inner world

Hollow Ichigo:

Best: Pure bred puppies! Or, a book entitled: How to take over your Stupid Shinigami's Mind

Worst: A slow motion replay video of Ichigo stabbing Hichigo in the gut

Rukia:

Best: A life size chappy rabbit!

Worst: A chappy Byakuya with a knife through its head

Sode no Shirayuki:

Best: A BOYFRIEND! ...Nah...I don't think she'll appreciate that...

Worst: A ticket to a visit at a volcano

Chad:

Best: A boxing bag...or a puppy

Worst: ...A bikini! XD

Uryu:

Best: His own target practice field with pictures of Mayuri as the bull's eye

Worst: A shirt that says "I heart Shinigami" in the front in hot pink

Orihime:

Best: A cook book (Tell her that it needs editing)

Worst: A visit from the Department of Health and Food O_o

Kisuke:

Best: A promise that you'll buy everything for the Bleach cast from his store

Worst: Some more of Tessai's medicine

Yoruichi:

Best: Fresh milk

Worst: A weight scale (Remember that the "worst gift" should be implying something that would offend the victim)

Yamamoto:

Best: Fresh green tea! (In many omakes, it is shown that he has a rather interest in tea)

Worst: A video of exercising for old people (To the left! One two three four...To the right! Five six seven eight...) XD

Ryuujin Jakka:

Best: A supply of flammable material...I guess

Worst: A fire extinguisher...or some marshmallows along with a couple of boy scouts!

Sasakibe:

Best: A kit for making tea that won't blow up his division... (If you do not understand, watch Shinigami Cup 187)

Worst: A kit for making tea that will blow up ALL of the Seireitei

Gonryomaru:

Best: A ticket to one day of no mocking from Soifon

Worst: A house...on a lake...when a storm hits...BOOM! =P

Soifon:

Best: Yoruichi cat

Worst: Some meat balls! Then tell her that you need a stick to make it into a kabob...Glance at Suzumebachi's shikai form and smile peevishly

Suzumebachi:

Best: Honey! LOL

Worst: Insect repellent/spray

Omaeda and Gegetsuburi:

Best: An all you can eat buffet discount coupons

Worst: An instruction manual of how to lose weight

Gin:

Best: Hollow Powers if he doesn't already have some...glares at Aizen

Worst: A fox mask

Izuru:

Best: ...sake...you know, for when he's upset

Worst: ...anything that'll remind him that Ichimaru is awesomer than he is

Wabisuke:

Best: More weights for his back (Your dad or brother: "Hey! Where're my dumbbells?" You: "...I dunno")

Worst: Helium balloons to tie to his weights

Unohana:

Best: Some more first aid kits...or some makeup from the human world will do

Worst: Maul some people, and tell her that you got her some more patients

Minazuki:

...no idea what so ever...

Isane:

Best: I think that she'll like whatever you give her, as long as you gave it some nice thought.

Worst: ...A severed head...

Hanatarou:

Best: Same with Isane

Worst: Something scary...need advice? Contact squad 11

Aizen:

Best: A spy in the Gotei 13

Worst: A book entitled: How to Dominate the World for Dummies who Name Rhymes with Mizen.

Hinamori:

Best: A nice cute...something I guess, to get her mind off of her worries

Worst: Rectangle shaped glasses (seems familiar?)

Tobiume:

Best: A (fake) letter from Haineko saying that Tobiume is so much better than her

Worst: Fashion Magazines...and say, "Dude, you need this more than me..."

Byakuya:

Best: Some noble rich fancy thing...or his own article for his Seaweed Ambassador!

Worst: A document stating the approval for Ichigo and Rukia's marriage!

Senbonzakura:

Best: A new samurai suit

Worst: An extra small new samurai suit armor and say, "Really? Too small? ...Did you gain weight or something?"

Renji:

Best: Give him something random and say it was Rukia's idea; should satisfy him

Worst: A fake letter from Rukia saying that she never wants to see his face again

Zabimaru:

Best: A secret entrance into Renji's home that can let them gain access to his bento boxes every day.

Worst: A monkey cage...and force feed mice to Snakey

Komamura:

Best: A dog brush/comb from a pet store

Worst: A flea collar

Tenken:

Best: ...something manly I guess...

Worst: Winter fresh mints (considering he has fire in his mouth)

Iba:

Best: A manly design for a phone in the Shinigami Men's Association

Worst: Something womanly XD

Kyoraku:

Best: No duh...SAKE!

Worst: A message from the sake shop that they are closing for good

Katen Kyoukotsu:

Best: Uh...makeup?

Worst: Uh...a chair to tie them to and make them to watch Kyouraku get a hangover

Nanao:

Best: A large encyclopedia with 20 percent more brain damage!

Worst: Contact lenses...wait, that might scare the butt off of the Gotei 13...Okay then...an extremely exposing shinigami uniform

Tousen:

Best: His eyesight...that Aizen already gave to him...are we the only ones that think his resurrection form is really gross?

Worst: Glasses...hot pink glasses

Hisagi:

Best: A kiss from Rangiku

Worst: A kiss from Kazeshini XD

Kazeshini:

Best: A group of innocent people to kill

Worst: An "I heart Shinigami" shirt

Toushiro:

Best: A book on how to grow tall that is small enough so he can hide it and carry it around without anyone noticing

Worst: Hot pink platform shoes OMG

Hyourinmaru:

Best: A ticket to Antarctica to visit some penguins!

Worst: Fangirls wrapped up in a box and a bow on top

Rangiku:

Best: 100 new fashionable clothes

Worst: A wrinkle remover

Haineko:

Best: 101 new fashionable clothing (she will be thrilled to head that she got 1 more than Rangiku. Then, you'll have to give 2 more to Rangiku so she'll like you. Then another 3 more to Haineko to make her happy...and then lose more money on the way)

Worst: ...Nose hair remover...

Kenpachi:

Best: A fight of his life

Worst: A hippie girlfriend

Yachiru:

Best: CANDY!

Worst: Anything that isn't candy or edible...just remembered that she refused to eat Byakuya's Seaweed Ambassador...

Ikkaku:

Best: Fights, or sake

Worst: Windex Wipe for his shiny bald head

Houzukimaru:

Best: Same as Ikkaku

Worst: A gorilla...and tell him that they look so cute together!

Yumichika:

Best: Beauty cream

Worst: A recommendation to a plastic surgeon

Fuji Kujaku:

Best and Worst: Exactly the same as Yumichika. "We are so disgustingly similar..." –Fuji Kujaku. Yes, that is soooo true.

Mayuri:

Best: Some victims to dissect

Worst: A visit from the Animal Protection Humane Society (Oh dear)

Ashisogi Jizo:

Best: 10 new forms of poisons

Worst: A play date with Yachiru

Nemu:

Best: Our opinion: A day away from Mayuri...

Worst: ...Her life is filled with misery named Mayuri...can it be ANY worse?

Ukitake:

Best: He's not picky, so something thoughtful and nice would work... _

Worst: An invitation to a very strenuous activity show (cough cough)

Sogyo no Kotowari:

Best: ...GAMES!

Worst: A 10000 paged book on the many governments of the Human World

Kiyone and Sentaro:

Best: A day away from each other

Worst: Handcuff them together and melt the key

Stark:

Best: An uninterrupted nap

Worst: A 24 hour shift with no breaks

Barragan:

Best: Becoming king again of Hueco Mundo

Worst: Breath Freshener

Harribel:

Best: Whatever you give her, she'll reply with a "..."

Worst: Watermelons...yeah, I don't know, Blade thought of that and I have no idea why I agreed... Blade: I suggested mangoes after that...

Ulquiorra:

Best: A trash free day...get it?

Worst: A trash can...or a recycling bin

Nnoitra:

Best: A massacre wrapped in a box

Worst: Hippies with a bow on top

Grimmjow:

Best: A dead Ichigo

Worst: A baby kitty

Zommari:

Best: A rematch with Byakuya (not that that loser's going to win anyway)

Worst: A pink pumpkin...XD

Szayel:

Best: More voodoo doll thingies

Worst: Barbie dolls that do NOT crush organs

Aaroniero:

Best: A new tank head that does not burn in sunlight

Worst: An oxygen tank to complement his tank head

Yammy:

Best: ...food

Worst: Yet another exercising program, (Make sure that he is surrounded by obese people during the exercise)

Muramasa:

Best: A book entitled "What to do when your master is a psycopath but you are still loyal to him."

Worst: A manicure kit

* * *

rukia oh great!

1) Constantly insult Byakuya, especially his drawings of the Seaweed Ambassador

2) Each time you see her, point and shout loudly, "TWO TIMER!"

3) When she asks why, tell her how both Ichigo and Renji love her

4) Run to Byakuya and tell him how Rukia is constantly harassed by Ichigo and Renji

5) Get him into a major sister complex by adding how he promised Hisana that he would protect Rukia with everything

6) Rukia shall forever roam this world with 10 buff bodyguards around her

This should happen: "A hollow!"

"I got it Ichigo!"

(Rukia jumps up and kills the hollow. Lands on the ground and then...)

"Rukia-sama! Are you alright?"

"...Yes..."

"OH MY GOSH RUKIA-SAMA! YOU'RE CUT!"

"...that is called a paper cut..."

"OH NO! YOU'RE BLEEDING! CALL THE MEDICS!"

"Leave. Me. Alone."

"Sorry, Kuchiki-sama's orders..."

"Nii-sama..."

7) Set Ichigo and Rukia up together. Have them sit close to each other and face each other

8) Take a picture. Photo shop it to look like they were kissing

9) Post it on the Seireitei Monthly under the title of: Romance Between a Noble and Substitute!

10) Make sure that Byakuya sees it

11) Must we explain what will happen?

12) Post Rukia's Chappy drawings in the Most Hideous Magazine

13) Ask her how it is possible to have exactly one bang across her forehead

14) Put super glue on her face. Push her. Make sure that her face lands on the toilet seat.

15) Get the episode where Ichigo threw her (during the SS Arc)

16) Play it slow motion on a plasma screen TV

17) when her face turns red

18) Spread a rumor so that Sentaro and will eventually believe that Rukia is Ukitake's favorite

19) Watch them chase Rukia around begging for advice on how to make Ukitake like them

20) Show Rukia the many rated M fanfics of Ichiruki, Renruki, Byaruki, and a lot more XD

21) When she releases her sword (Dance, Sode no Shirayuki), start doing the hula, the tango, break dancing, or ballet with a random person

22) Even better, Ichigo. Even better better: "Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!" (Shirayuki forms) "What the..." (You run over and squeal. You grab Shirayuki and start doing the tango with her) "What the hell are you doing?" "I'm dancing!" "..." "DANCE! HAHAHAHA!" "Rukia..." "Yes Shirayuki?" "I request a change in release call..."

23) Get her into joining the Karakura Risers (Tell her that it is a mission from the Head Captain)

24) Take a picture of her in that silly outfit

25) Show it to everyone, and send one to Byakuya and Ichigo. To Ichigo: "You might want think twice about your choice of girlfriends" To Byakuya: "See what happens when you do not take care of your little sister?"

26) More sister complex

27) Tell Kukaku Shiba that you have found a test dummy for her new fireworks

28) Call the Gotei 13 (Captains and all) at night to drink sake and enjoy the night view

...Ten seconds later: "...Look Ken-chan! Fireworks!"

"I see...wait..."

"Ukitake taichou?"

"Oh my..."

"Captain Kuchik! Rukia-sama's missing!"

"...I noticed..."

"Uh...Renji?"

"Yeah Ichigo?"

"Is that...?"

Off a distance: "HIYEEEEEEE!"

* * *

lisa

Lisa

1. Act like an immature brat around her.

2. Steal her manga.

3. Read particularly perverted parts to random people, and when they stare at you, smile, point to Lisa, and say in a cute voice, "Mommy gave it to me!" XD

4. Ask her if she likes her former captain.

5. Tease her about it whether she denies it or not.

6. Tell her she needs to loosen up.

7. Even better, kiss her in front of all the vizards.

8. Run for your life. (Or make sure Hachi owes you a really big favor)

9. Tell her that you've found an important person who can help destroy Aizen.

10. Get Don Kanoji!

11. I don't know how you'll do it, but force her into a Karakura Riser outfit.

12. Take lots of pictures.

13. Show to everyone, especially the other Vizards.

14. Get Mashiro to help you in annoying her. A lot.

15. Inform everyone around you when Lisa is outside about her manga.

16. Once again, read out sections of her manga. Be sure to use a microphone.

17. Laugh when everyone starts edging away from her nervously.

18. Get Kyoraku to flirt with her.

19. Laugh as Lisa starts beating him up.

20. Ask her why she beat him up, when it was going according exactly to the plot of one of her manga.

21. Make kissy noises. Really wet smoochy ones. Remember to flap your tounge and make sloppy sounds.

22. Introduce her to Icha Icha Paradise (Naruto XD A.K.A Make Out Paradise)

23. And then steal it back. Report to Kakashi that you have found the theif. (For those who do not read Naruto, Kakashi is the owner and known for reading Make Out Paradise while fighting at the same time...XD)

24. Call her a four-eyed pervert

25. Steal her glasses, and replace it with really thick ones. Take her glasses off, and say, "Sorry, but you're nothing compared to Nanao. (Remember that Nanao can kill with her stare)

26. In apology, give her contacts. But before hand, draw pink swirls on them. Then force her to put them on somehow. Laugh when she stumbles around screaming and rubbing her eyes

27. When Lisa fights, smile pervertedly and say, "I CAN SEE YOUR PANTIES!" as loud as possible

28. Tie her shoelaces together (If she has any)

29. Mock her and make faces at her. Get her to attempt to chase you...The oldest trick in the book. _

30. Look at her magazine and say, "You know Nanao, you'll never give Kyoraku any brain damge with that FLIMSY sheet of paper." When she twitches and says that she it NOT Nanao, smile and say, "Oh, my bad" Then run around her in cirlces throwing flower petals on her head chanting, "Lisa Lisa Kawaii Lisa! Lovely Lovely Lisa-chan!" Then let her realize the petals are from Senbonzakura Kageyoshi!

* * *

ukitake... wow

1) Tell Kiyone and Sentaro that the captain wants them in his office so he can promote one of them to vice captain

2) Watch Ukitake scream and run around be chased by Kiyone and Sentaro shouting, "I NEVER SAID ANYTHING!"

3) Buy two pairs of handcuffs

4) Handcuff Ukitake to Kiyone and Sentaro

5) Melt the key...the ONLY key

6) Laugh at the next captains meeting when every captain is looking at the trio all funny like

7) They'll probably get a hold of a new key that works

8) Well we can't have that happen, now can we?

9) Tell Kiyone and Sentaro that you have received word that a man is trying to assassin Ukitake, and it's up to them to protect him from harm

10) Laugh when Kiyone and Sentaro tackle Ukitake each time something happened:

"TAICHOU!"

"OOF!"

"ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

"...you do realize that was a butterfly?"

"...It could have been a hidden camera...death...thingy..."

sweat drop*

10) When you finally feel mercy for Ukitake, set him free

11) Give him one of Mayuri's food coloring junk (...What? A crazy freak like Mayuri can have anything!)

12) Sneak it into his tea

13) You know that Ukitake sometimes coughs up blood? Yeah, well now he coughs up blue blood

14) Watch him freak and watch Kiyone and Sentaro freak even more

15) Record a video of a blue Ukitake being heaved to Unohana with Kiyone and Sentaro screaming in the background

16) Post it on You Tube and call it, "Blue Penguin Suffocates" (Penguins are black and white...and his hair and uniform are also black and white so...LOL)

17) Go to Byakuya and tell him that Ukitake promoted Rukia to assistant captain of the 13th squad

18) Watch Byakuya hunt down Ukitake

19) Laugh when Ukitake frantically explains and starts coughing again

20) Send him to the fourth division

21) Get Unohana to talk to Ukitake, and then say, "Aww...you're so cute together!"

22) Get Kyouraku to get Ukitake drunk

23) Get the drunken Juu-chan to do crazy things

24) Make him sing the llama song on karaoke (For those who do not know what the llama song is, check it out on YouTube...with lyrics. Then try imagining Ukitake singing it! XD) Then post the video website onto the Seireitei Monthly.

25) In the morning right before the meeting, get him drunk

26) Then realize he's still having a hangover

27) You know what this means: MORE SAKE!

28) Send him into the Captains meeting early

29) Convince the drunken Juu-chan to sing UGLY Song. And break dance at the same time...or make him do ballet...which ever you prefer

30) The captains come in the room and all go like: O_o

* * *

Kusaka

1) Note the mask Kusaka wears...mention several times that there are too many eye holes

2) Then, get a pointy utensil and poke through every hole and go all like, "Peep!" each time you do so

3) See how many times it takes to drive Kusaka insane

4) Look at those two Arrancar girls and say, "Hey, Kusaka? Yeah, I was wondering, how come you chose BOTH of your comrades to be girls...with...little clothing..."

5) Ask him why his hair sometimes looks purple when its suppose to be black

6) Tell him that the scar on his face looks like an eggplant

7) Heck, his scar is purple-red too!

8) Be oh so kind and paint his room purple for him XD  
9) Give him a list of reasons why Hyourinmaru chose Toushiro instead of him

10) List may include:

Toushiro has white hair, which is more ice like than purple/black hair

Kusaka's purple ice dragon seems very girly to Hyourinmaru, which pisses him off

Toushiro is kawaii

Kusaka is NOT a protégé/genius

Toushiro has a cute nickname: Shiro-chan

And Kusaka: ...Saka-chan...Meh

11) Look at his jagged cape and decide to make some new designs

12) Get some scissors and cut those "mini-people holding hands" designs along the bottom

13) Tell him that he will never defeat Toushiro even if he tried 1000000 times

14) Ask him why his cape is green when he is so obsessed with purple

15) When he gets suspicious and demands you NOT paint his cloak purple, agree

16) Paint it hot pink instead

17) Take a picture

18) Make it into a WANTED poster

19) Label it "Most dangerous criminal of SS"

20) Make 1000 copies and post them everywhere

21) Tell Toushiro after showing him the poster, "Sigh, poor Kusaka, his great loss has drove him insane...a pink cape? Honestly."

22) Get Toushiro to pity him

23) Toushiro will then sign him up for mental therapy

24) Make sure his therapist is Mayuri

25) Videotape whatever chaos blows up

26) Post is on YouTube

27) Humiliate him so much that he runs to Hueco Mundo

28) Persuade him to meet Aizen and join the Espada

29) Show Aizen the WANTED poster

30) When Kusaka meets Aizen, it'll be all like:

Aizen: ...

Kusaka: I wish to join you

Aizen: ...

Kusaka: ?

Aizen: (holds out poster) Is this you?

Kusaka: AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGG

Aizen: Poor boy, don't worry, Szayel is a good physiatrist :)

Kusaka: *sobs*

* * *

Tatsuki

1. Tell her that she's not the strongest in karate anymore; someone else is.

2. Make sure to organize an event in which Keigo will get a date with a cute girl if he wins.

3. Tell him when its too late that its a karate event.

4. Then tell Tatsuki that Keigo has been secretly taking karate ever since he could walk. (Yeah right)

5. When she calls you a liar, make her watch a video of Keigo beating up Orihime as a little girl (It's an edited video of someone else who got their butts handed to them by Tatsuki later.)

6. Rig the events so that Keigo somehow makes it to the finals.

7. Record Tatsuki beating the crap out of him!

8. Ask her constantly if she has a crush on someone (It doesn't matter who)

9. Oh, and give her false alarms that Orihime is being kidnapped or beaten up or something.

10. Accuse Chizuru.

11. Laugh as Tatsuki sends her flying into the next couple centuries.

12. Then tell Orihime that Tatsuki has taken advantage of Ichigo.

13. Watch as Orihime starts sobbing and Tatsuki starts trying to clear up the misunderstanding.

14. Raise an eyebrow at Ichigo's confused look and accuse him of two-timing them (and Rukia, to make it more complicated.)

15. Watch as it turns into a big fat mess.

16. Blab the whole story to all of Karakura High!

17. Chizuru makes it even worse by hugging Orihime constantly and trying to hit on her.

18. Watch as Rukia gets really mad at Ichigo and Ichigo gets mad at Tatsuki, Tatsuki gets mad at everyone, and Orihime gets...upset with Tatsuki and Ichigo! Or something like that.

19. After the whole thing unravels, create more chaos by putting up lots of random posters for karate.

20. Tell Tatsuki that she needs to practice more, and tell her to punch whenever you blow a whistle XD

21. Particularly tell her to punch whenever she's by a window, in a crowd, or even better, by a teacher.

22. Warn her that she's going soft, and force her to train for hours (while you go on vacation)

23. Then tell her that Ichigo is doing perverted things to Orihime.

24. Arrange for Orihime to go to Ichigo's house for homework.

25. Watch as Tatsuki flies in through the window and yelling.

26. Add Isshin jumping through a trampoline at the same time to kick Ichigo in the head.

27. Videotape the scene for future viewing.

28. Drag Isshin and Tatsuki off to a psychiatrist.

29. Laugh as Tatsuki starts trying to restrain herself from punching the overly cheerful psychiatrist who recommends anger management.

30. You should run...before Tatsuki strangles you for making her life miserable.

* * *

orihime (i like orihime! so stop being haters!)

1) Each time you see Rukia and Ichigo, and Orihime is next to you, smile, sigh, and say, "Aharen't they the CUTEST couple you have ever seen?"

2) Start a rumor that Orihime only has orange hair because she dyed it in order for people to think she looks good will Ichigo

3) Start insulting her (Orihime fans, you have been warned)

-Call her weak

-Useless

-A fail of a damsel in distress

-Even Hanataro pwns her

-Crybaby

-Rukia-wanna-be

-Annoying

-Pathetic

-Stupid

-Fat

…Yeah, the last one is random

4) Get her to confess her crush for Ichigo

5) Make sure you taped it

6) Play it over the intercom during school hours

7) Laugh your head off when she runs home with a red face

8) Wait for a few days, then go to her and say sorry, and in return, you'll have dinner with her

9) Get her to cook for you

10) When you pretend to eat it, gasp and collapse on the floor as if you were having a seizure

11) Later, sue her for food poisoning

12) Blame Ulquiorra's death on her

13) Blame her that if it weren't for her, Aizen would probably been killed by Ichigo already

14) Tell her that Ichigo only saved her for "ethics" reasoning, and her has no feelings for her what so ever

15) Tell her how Ichigo was about to forget about her when he found out that Rukia was drying (vs. Aroneiro)

16) Write a story about her in the Seireitei Monthly about her uselessness

17) When she leaves home, sneak in and decorate her room with "I Heart Ichigo" banners, wallpapers, etc.

18) Make sure there is a disturbing poster of Ichigo in the shower on her wall

19) Call Ichigo and invite him over to Orihime's

20) Rofl as Ichigo freaks out and Orihime enters the room, also freaking out

21) Remember that your camera and video recorder is your best friend

22) Make sure that Seireitei develops You Tube

23) Must we say more?

24) Stick a not on the back of her shirt that says "I'm a stalker"

25) Apologize and invite her to a "party"

26) Lock her in the part room…

27) Full of anit-Orhime fans…

28) Or even better…. die-hard Ichiruki fans

29) Shout at her from outside, "USE YOU AWESOME BATTLE SKILLZ!"

30) Laugh when she gets mauled by her haters and then shout, "OH SORRY! YOU DON"T HAVE ANY!"

* * *

Starrk

1. Every time he sleeps, get the alarm clock. You know what to do.

2. Alternately, get a bucket of water. Very hot or very cold will be fine.

3. Do it before an Arrancar meeting.

4. Starrk will come in dripping wet, with everyone staring at him.

5. Enlist Lilynette's help in annoying him.

6. Follow him everywhere.

7. Sing annoying songs in a megaphone.

8. Make sure there are other arrancar whenever you sing (off key)

9. Laugh your head off when they start yelling at Starrk to do something about your singing.

10. Start doing really annoying stuff to him like planting whoppee cushions whenever he's about to sleep.

11. Turn him into a target, and start chucking random things at him from all directions whenever you see him.

12. When he asks you why, say that Aizen-sama told you to practice because your aim is really lousy.

13. Throw stuff that unfortunately hits other Arrancars.

14. Even better, heave stuff from high places on to him. Like pianos.

15. If you miss, just make sure that there's another Arrancar next to him. They're expendable XD

16. If he ever brings the wolf pack, do a fan girl scream and hug the wolves to death, screaming about cute puppies.

17. Say that he needs a bushy beard to live up to his name Coyote Starrk. XD

18. Superglue one to his chin.

19. Laugh your head off and say that he looks much more wild now.

20. Post pictures on him on Arrancar Encylopedia.

21. Snicker when Lilynette starts beating him up for looking like an idiot when he's the Primavera.

22. Force him to work very very very hard.

23. Start trying to set him up with one of the female arrancars.

24. If it works, he'll be saying the corniest pickup lines to Harribel or someone.

25. Crack up when Harribel is just emotionless and Starrk is still creating corny pickup lines.

26. Laugh even harder when Harribel just gets annoyed and slaps Starrk.

27. Make a video.

28. Send to everyone.

29. Makes sure that Starrk never lives it down.

30. Even if Starrk is the laziest Arrancar, he's probably past his breaking point by now, so flee!

* * *

chad!

Chad

1. Force him to wear a sombrero everywhere (Sombreros are awesome! XD)

2. Tell him its very expensive and you'll kill him if he ruins it.

3. Then get Urahara play a game with Chad

4. The person who gets the other person's hat and tears it apart wins!

5. Start doing betting on who will win.

6. Watch as Urahara pwns Chad (and the sombrero)

7. After the sombrero is destroyed, force him to give out piggyback rides.

8. Make him stand with a sign that says Free Piggyback Rides.

9. Bring Nell and Yachiru and everyone to the fun! (Then call the cops and report a evil buff dude kidnapping little girls)

10. If that gets old, force him into a boxing/wrestling match.

11. Or start calling him to do stuff for you like moving heavy stuff even if its for no reason at all.

12. Buy lots and lots of cockatiels that look like Shibata.

13. Tell him that he has to guess which one is Shibata, and if he guesses wrong, he has to keep all of them.

14. Train them before hand to say lots of random phrases to make it seem as if they can talk.

15. Watch him try to talk to every cockatiel to see which one is Shibata.

"Are you Shibata?"

"Polly wants a cracker!"

"What about you? Are you Shibata?"

(cockatiel starts whistling a random song)

"...are you Shibata?"

"Hello! I am Yuichi Shibata!"

"I'm Yuichi Shibata!"

"No, I am!" (cockatiels all start squawking and whistling by this point.)

16. Unfortunately, he gets it wrong, so Chad is overrun by cockatiels.

17. Keep poking his tattoo. Say he should get a whole lot more.

18. Drag him to the tattoo shop, and tell them that he wants lots of skull and crossbones. Do not take no for an answer.

19. Always hang around with him and ask him if he likes floral Hawaiian shirts.

20. Whatever his answer may be, buy him lots of them until he is buried underneath Hawaiian shirts.

21. Then drag him out shopping with Matsumoto.

22. Take him out around Seireitei to drink sake with Kyoraku!

23. Whine about how its unfair how he's so tall.

24. Keep on pestering him about useless things like why is the sky blue or something.

25. Scream that a hollow is attacking some random place in Karakura.

26. Send him off in the wrong direction.

27. When he asks you why, tell him that you are horrible in sensing reiatsu and that you need a cell phone like Rukia's.

28. When you get one, stick it in the washing machine.

29. Continue giving misleading directions.

30. I think Chad might actually be pretty irritated by now...running might be a good idea...

* * *

gin

1) Notice how his eyes are merely two curved lines

2) Take the pleasure of using markers to "draw" in the "remainder" or his eyes for him (I'm thinking large puppy eyes)

3) Be sure to use permanent marker

4) Dye his hair black and call him "Sai" each time you see him (A Naruto Character)

5) Call him pathetic since he has not gotten any stronger even after joining Aizen

6) Steal Shinso and use it in bankai form somehow and call all of Soul Society for the greatest Shish kabob in the world.

7) When he's sleeping, steal some makeup and paint all over his face

8) Write "Why so serious" on his white uniform

9) Tape a mirror onto the ceiling so when he wakes up and sees himself, well, it'll be hilarious

10) Tell him that Arrancar encyclopedia has declared him out and have a new host much more intelligent than he is: Yammy

11) Taunt him about the time during Arrancar Encyclopedia when he tried to get some screen time about the first 3 Espadas personal life.

12) Laugh your head off when you mention how he tried to show the audience Halibel's personal life but instead the video was of himself taking a shower XDD

13) Call him a jerk because he dumped Rangiku

14) Tell him how miserable and depressed Rangiku was after he dumped her

15) Then say "Don't worry, she's with Kira now."

16) Say things to get him to really miss Rangiku

17) Sneak into Halibel's room when she's sleeping and somehow (Warning: Do not attempt this) dye her hair orange and swap her uniform with a shinigami and give her a pink scarf

18) Tell Gin that Rangiku came to see him

19) Laugh when he frantically runs to "Rangiku" and hugs her

20) You got this on tape right?

21) Post this tape online and give the link to everyone in SS and HM

22) Visit Gin when he is home recovering from the severe beatings

23) Give him some soup and tell him it will get his spirits back up

24) Mention that it is Rangiku's favorite soup (hint hint)

25) Watch him scream and howl with pain after drinking the soup

26) Oh yeah, did I mention Orihime was the chef?

27) After a few weeks, when Gin is back as the Arrancar Encyclopedia host, when he begins to show his video clips, replace them with the ones you took…

28) …. Of the 10 Espada and their very embarrassing moments

29) Lock him in the room and call the Espada to come over and if they paid you $50 then you'd allow them to enter and give Gin a piece of their mind

30) Sit back, count your money, and watch out for the Gin fan girls

* * *

Nnoitra

1. Call him a spoonhead. Face it, he looks like one.

2. Refer him to Yammy in the event that Yammy wants cereal during his release form.

3. Call all the women's rights associations and all that and tell them that Nnoitra needs a good talking to.

4. Call him a defeated loser who bullies weaker people and girls, especially in his past.

5. Announce to the world that he's a pervert and worse.

6. Add that he ordered Tesla to do perverted stuff to Harribel's Fraccion.

7. Say it's because he hates females.

8. Oh, and that he was being unspeakably cruel to Lilynette. (Funny how Lilynette was busy punching Starrk while you were saying that.)

9. While you're spreading the rumors, use the opportunity to do random stuff to annoy Harribel's Fraccion and Lilynette. Of course, blame Nnoitra.

10. Knock Nnoitra out with some aid from Harribel because she's pissed at him.

11. Take note of how scrawny and tall he is, and tie him to a post in the middle of nowhere.

12. When he wakes up, inform him that he is now officially the new scarecrow of Hueco Mundo.

13. Unfortunately, there are no crows in Hueco Mundo, but you don't want to release him either, so run the heck out of there.

14. Inform him that he's a Shinji-wannabe, and if he can't even imitate him with his teeth, he is pretty much a failure in everything.

15. If you dare and have good aim, constantly shoot arrows at him.

16. If he scorns you for even trying, say that the hole where his eye should be is where you're aiming.

17. Whenever he's talking to someone, shoot an arrow through the hole from behind so that it pretty much hits the person he's talking to.

18. Unfortunately, he's too tall so the arrow flies harmlessly over their heads.

19. Arrange it so that Sun-sun or someone from Harribel's Fraccion is talking to him, and them take aim.

20. Sun-sun gets very distressed (she does not realize what you are doing) and then Harribel gets pissed off once again at Nnoitra. (she does not realize you are the one shooting)

21. Ask him how he's able to manipulate his blades with so many hands without swinging them into himself.

22. If he spits at you for asking, force him into a dance where the moves are very tricky, and he has to coordinate them perfectly.

23. Watch as he fails miserably and almost stabs himself with all of his blades.

24. Inform everyone in Hueco Mundo.

25. Misunderstand his release and inform everyone that is totally wrong in every way because he took the name of Saint Teresa. (His release is Santa Teresa or praying mantis)

26. Argue with him constantly that he is very arrogant and stupid. Just make sure someone's protecting you.

27. Yell at him for being so mean to his subordinate even though he is so loyal.

28. Be very nice to Tesla, and shower him with adoration (lol) while Nnoitra gets pissed off. (Don't talk bad about Nnoitra to Tesla, or Tesla will get mad.)

29. Inform everyone of Nnoitra's inferiority complex, and make sure everyone mocks him for it.

30. Hopefully your work with sucking up to Tesla has paid off, and hopefully he will not hunt you down with Nnoitra, and you should run, before Nnoitra causes total destruction in his hunt for you.

* * *

tousen!

Tousen

1. Tell him the Espada are always betting on how many times he'll bump into something.

2. Tell him that the espada are constantly making faces at him

3. Describe to him what he looks like (cause he's never seen himself)

4. Make sure to make him sound very ugly.

5. Tell him he's the only one who DRINKS the tea in Hueco Mundo because he can't see the sickly color considering Hueco Mundo has no water.

6. Accuse him of peeping at female Arrancar (maybe Halibel to scare him more)

7. Watch him struggle to explain himself to a post (because you told him Halibel was standing there.)

8. Call the Espada to watch him talk to a pole.

9. Then tell him he should have just said he wasn't peeping since he's blind.

10. Tape a mirror to him so when he goes resurrection form he goes, "I CAN SEE...HOLY CRAP WHAT THE HECK IS _THAT_ THING!"

11. Inform him (with pleasure) that it's him.

12. Laugh your guts out as Hisagi and Komamura watch blankly as Tousen freaks.

13. Install electronic walls to the ceilings of Hueco Mundo and drop them in front of him randomly to see if he crashes into them.

14. Argue incessantly with him about justice and make sure your version of justice differs completely from his.

15. Bore him to death with long winded justice speeches.

16. See how long it takes for him to crack.

17. When he finally snaps, tell him that you're only giving him a taste of his own medicine.

18. Continue the justice speeches.

19. Tell him that if he thinks that Komamura is ugly, he should have seen his resurrection form.

20. Add that Komamura is a lovely cute, adorable puppy compared to him (in gigai form lol)

21. Inform him that from the outside, the area his former bankai changes looks like a black hot air balloon.

22. Tell him that whoever the woman he knew was, she would have been ashamed to see him be a hollow.

23. Add that the woman probably would have slapped him for violating everything she represented to him.

24. Inform him that when he was younger, his hair looks like a lopsided starfish and his mask made him look like an octopus.

25. Sum it up by saying he looked like a fishman.

26. Tell him it's pretty sad how his justice got beaten up by a lunatic named Kenpachi.

27. Laugh at him for being afraid of death even though he was originally a shimigami.

28. Inform him that it's rude to interrupt an Arrancar Encylopedia.

29. Side with Gin and assist in throwing him out before he uses up Gin's air time.

30. Laugh as he starts chasing you and you start dropping walls everywhere as you make your escape.

* * *

Kyoraku

1. Shave his hair off. Steal his straw hat so that he can't hide the bald spot.

2. Dye his haori and pink cloak very nice tie-dye colors.

3. Suggest a captain and lieutenant's meeting to Yamamoto.

4. Keep a straight face while everyone stares at Kyoraku's new look.

5. Steal his sake while he's sleeping off a hangover.

6. Tell Nanao that her captain has been skiving off paperwork.

7. Laugh as Nanao wakes him up and forces him to do paperwork while he has a hangover.

8. Tell Kyoraku to introduce pervy manga to Nanao. After all, he probably infected Lisa with it, why not Nanao?

9. Watch as Nanao beats Kyoraku up for even suggesting it.

10. Buy lots of swimsuits for Nanao and tell her Kyoraku wants her to wear all of them.

11. Help Nanao to force Kyoraku to stop drinking and start working.

12. Get one of those really loud, shrill, annoying alarm clocks to wake him up when he had a really bad hangover.

13. While he's drunk, record him saying really perverted stuff and whatnots.

14. Publish it in the Seireitei Monthly.

15. Watch as all the females in Soul Society start beating him up for saying such perverted things.

16. Steal his zanpakuto on a rainy day. Stick one into an umbrella stand.

17. Watch him wonder where it is. Conveniently send someone out to buy sake.

18. Laugh as they grab the handle of Kyoraku's zanpakuto and leave, thinking his sword is an umbrella.

19. Give the other half to Mayuri to do experiments on it.

20. Watch as Kyoraku starts search for each half of his zanpakuto.

21. Tell him that pink is not a very manly color. Force him to dress and act very goth like.

22. If he asks you if Gothic is manly, tell him all the ladies will love him if he dresses like that.

23. Die of laughter when he tries to impress the girls and they get freaked out with him flirting with them. (You would be freaked out too if a Goth who refused to desert his pink cloak randomly came up to you and started saying really weird pick-up lines.)

24. Suggest that he write love poems.

25. Add that he should share them with everyone in Soul Society.

26. Watch as everyone looks like they're going to die of the corniness of his supposedly depressing love poems.

27. When his depressing love poems don't work, tell him he should test them on Nanao.

28. Watch Nanao throw a book at him when he attempts to "woo" her late at night by trying to throw stones at her window to attract her attention so he can read his poems "romantically."

29. Tell him that he forgot to play a guitar and sing while rowing her down a river on some random romantic night with a full moon. When he tries it, he gets bricked for his troubles. (Or book'ed in Nanao's case XD)

30. If he's too lazy to go after you for making his life miserable, Nanao will because she's probably been suffering too thanks to the love poems, and an angry Nanao on a dark night will make you suffer a thousand painful deaths. Therefore, you should run very far away.

* * *

Don Kanoji

1. Call him a quack

2. Make fun of his outfit.

3. Laugh at how corny he is.

4. Shoot him with a bazooka when he starts bwahaha-ing.

5. Ask him if he wants to be a mummy because he keeps crossing his arms over his chest mummy style.

6. Talk really loudly to someone when he is in hearing range that when you're a hero it means being stupid and getting yourself killed.

7. Lock him in an insane asylum.

8. When he asks you why, tell him it's for his own good (charging at Aizen point blank is very hazardous to your health)

9. Ask him who his costume designer is and tell them that they have bad taste.

10. Unfortunately say it when Ishida is around and he reveals that he is Kanoji's designer.

11. Run from the Quincy Arrows.

12. Sign him up to be one of those fancy waiters at really rich restaurants.

13. Watch as he botches up everything and starts trying to advertise his show.

14. When the manager gets pissed off, he makes it worse by mixing up the orders.

15. Assign him to dish washing.

16. When he starts shouting "The spirits are with you!" dump soapy water on him.

17. Enlist Nanao's help to hit him with lots of books.

18. Tell him that he is really weak and that the children will never look up to him.

19. When he gets all gloomy feel bad and get lots of captains to join the Karakura risers!

20. Say that they all need a commemorative photo.

21. Take pictures of everyone in weird outfits

22. Publish in the Seireitei monthly.

23. Laugh as Ichigo and Rukia freak when they see Byakuya dressed very disturbingly.

24. Set fire to his cape for 'dramatic effect'.

25. Tell him that Ichigo has been hanging out with bad spirits.

26. Watch as he confronts Ichigo and starts blubbering about how his #1 fan betrayed him.

27. Laugh at Ichigo's 'why is he here' look.

28. Get Urahara to make him do really random chores.

29. When Don Kanoji screams "SMELLS LIKE BAD SPIRIT!" make him inhale pepper spray.

30. After that, he finally realizes that you're pretty much the bad spirit haunting him and tries to make you run. You can run or you can continue torturing him. XD

* * *

kon

: Kon

1. Tie some string to a perverted magazine and hide. When Kon leaps for it, jerk the string so that the magazine moves away.

2. Tell him about a few rather disturbing websites that he should visit. Give him a couple broken links.

3. Repeatedly take out and stuff his soul back into his lion plushie.

4. Take him out and put him inside a little bunny stuff animal.

5. Say how he looks so cute.

6. Give him to Ishida to make frilly dresses for.

7. Accidentally-on-purpose drop him into a mud puddle.

8. Stick him into a washing machine. Forget to take his soul out of the stuff animal.

9. When you take him out and he begs you not to put him in the dryer, peg him to a clothesline.

10. Tell Yuzu to go pick some flowers outside.

11. Laugh at Kon's horror as she spots him and starts calling him Bostav.

12. Rescue him from Yuzu, but have a tea party with him.

13. Clip him onto Jinta.

14. When he complains that he feels filthy, use the vacuum cleaner on him.

15. Tell him that someone wants him to be a model.

16. When he accepts, inform him that it's Ishida who wants him to model.

17. Tell him Rukia is in trouble.

18. Take him along to a hot spring.

19. Strangle him whenever he tries to peek.

20. When he sneaks off, inform him that all the females are old hags.

21. Mix him up with a lot of marbles.

22. Give the marbles to a couple people and watch them play games with his soul.

23. When he's in Ichigo's body, tell every girl to slap him.

24. Tell Tatsuki that he was harassing Orihime.

25. Watch as Tatsuki beats Kon in Ichigo's body up.

26. Stick him into one of those claw machines.

27. Bet which kid is going to grab him first.

28. Watch as he is dangled in various positions by the claw and then dropped. Repeat.

29. Tell him no girls would ever want to go out with him.

30. If you are really scared, you can go ahead and run before he kicks you hard the moment he gets Ichigo's body, or you can continue to torment him.


End file.
